Saturday, December 22, 2012

Weekly Ketchup, and Merry Force Be With You

Hey there! The effects of my concussion are still kinda lingering, but mostly I'm better. Obviously, I still plan to milk this as an excuse for as long as possible, if only because it's just a nice change of pace from all my usual excuses, like "I have four kids," "I ran out of coffee," "ohcrapItotallyforgottotakemyAdderall," and of course, the classic, "f**k it, I'd rather take a nap."

Here are some examples of how I'm currently making my concussion work for me:
  • Sorry we didn't send out Christmas cards. I had a concussion.
  • Sorry I didn't sign that permission slip/show up at that appointment/do that thing I was supposed to do. I had a concussion.
  • Sorry your Christmas presents are probably going to arrive like a week late. I had a concussion.
  • Sorry I completely lost my filter and said all the stuff I'm supposed to think but not say. I had a concussion.
  • Sorry we've had frozen pizza for the last five nights in a row. I had a concussion.
Speaking of frozen pizza, those things should really be perforated. If I'm too lazy to make my family a real dinner, do you really think I want to have to hack through that rock-hard crust with a knife? No, I don't. Get on that, frozen foods companies. Make my lazy food lazier!

You know what else someone should make? Zip-Loc type freezer baggies shaped like Go-Gurts. Those things are wicked expensive and I'd really like to just make my own. In fact, I want these made so badly that I just emailed S.C. Johnson, the company that makes Zip-Loc, to ask them to get on that (please). Fingers crossed!

I'm completely, insanely behind in all my work, but happily my editors are all being totes cool about the whole concussion thing. Pretty sure they took one work at the misspelled crap riddled with grammar errors that I was turning in, and they were all like, "hey, why don't you take a break, there, SpongeBob ConcussionPants? 'Cause we don't have time to edit this deranged nonsense."

I'm trying to get caught up now as best I can. I did cover the tragedy in Newtown, although I limited what I wrote to posts that I thought were helpful in some way. As much as I don't want to be part of the vulture-like media frenzy, the whole thing hit me pretty hard. I grew up one town over from Newtown, and the tragedy affected a lot of people I know. And then there was the whole "autistic = violent" crap and really, I had to respond.

Here's what I wrote. Pick and choose what you can handle. If you're just overwhelmed and don't want to read another thing about it, I totally understand.

How Do I Talk to My Kids About Tragedy? 10 Expert Tips
Let's Talk About Mental Health, Pleads Mother of Violent, Mentally Ill Child
Ways You Can Help the Community of Newtown, Connnecticut
Autism Experts Speak Out on Media's Rush for Information
Tribute: PS22 Chorus Sings Sandy Hook Elementary's School Song
Mayors, Celebrities Want You to 'Demand a Plan' to Reduce Gun Violence (Video)

I didn't think I could love George Takei
any more than I already did. And
yet, here he is reading '50 Shades.'
Can't handle it anymore? Here's a whole bunch of fun stuff to distract you and make you smile:
The Most Unusual Baby Names of 2012...And My Predictions for 2013
I Don't Know What This Baby Otter Is Doing, But It's Adorable (Video)
This Happy Dog in a Swing Is the Most Relaxing Thing You'll See All Day (Video)
Oh, Myyy! George Takei's Hilarious Reading of '50 Shades' (Totally NSFW or Kids)
IKEA Monkey's Owner Wants Him Back, Is *Totally* Sane (Videos)
18 Bizarre News Stories from 2012 That Prove the Mayans Were Totally Right  This is a review of the most effed-up stuff I covered during 2012. Yes, I'm aware that the world didn't end. However, I still contend that we're doomed.

Here's some more motherfunny stuff from NickMom. It's all really short so you can read it on your phone while you pee!
Mom's To-Do List: The World Didn't End Edition All the crap I have to get done now that the world didn't end.
Google's Santa Tracker Is Up And Running A list of other things I need Google to track for me. Like my kids' inhalers. You'd think they'd keep a better eye on something that makes them stop coughing, but NO.
US Government Insists Doomsday Rumors Are Just Rumors 4 Signs They Might Be Wrong (OHMYGAH my kids just put away their laundry.)
Carol Brady vs. Shirley Partridge Who would win in a cage match?

Happy Holidays, y'all. I am grateful for you all.

Image Credits:
Holly border graphic: Grant Cochrane
George Takei: YouTube
Star Wars Christmas: FanPop


  1. Here is the answer to homemade yogurt pops--we love them around here.

  2. you have done more in a week while having a concussion than I do in a month without one. Sigh. Oh, wait, I meant "good for you."

  3. what about breast milk bags for making your own go-gurt?

  4. I am look ahead to analysis your piece of writing Weekly Ketchup, and Merry Force Be With You and study extra posts shortly.

  5. You could always use those frosting decorating pouches to make your own go-gurt

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