Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Ten Facts About My Super Glamorous Life

Pretty much, my life is full of sparkles and unicorns.  Sometimes I can't even believe how incredibly freaking glamorous my life truly is. To give you just a little glimpse, I present to you, Ten Facts About My Super Glamorous Life.

1. I have chronic nosebleeds. It's nothing serious, and yes my doctor knows about it.  It's just wicked annoying. And disgusting. And happens pretty much all winter long.

2. The only long-term solution is to have a vein inside my nose cauterized. WITH FIRE. Or something. Cigarette lighter from a 1978 Honda Civic?  I don't know what they use.

I'm totally glamorous like this.  Except for the part
about the seaweed-infused nose tampon.
3. Generally, I try to avoid putting fire inside my head.  Granted, I don't have a lot of experience with this, but it sounds bad.  I know that when I finally had my horrible Swine Flu diagnosed, the test involved a nurse jamming a Q-Tip of Fire up into my nose and swabbing my brain with it.  That sucked hard enough that I'm not looking for any kind of repeat.

4. To try to prevent the nosebleeds, I snort saline spray up my nose many times a day.  I'm like a cross between someone who's a little too into yoga and a cokehead.

5. At a certain point, the saline nasal spray system fails me, and then I suddenly go from "slightly irritated" to "multiple nosebleeds a day that look like something out of a really cheap horror flick."  That magical point was yesterday.

6. There is no good time for a nosebleed to start.  Particularly bad times include while trying to get the kids ready for school and while changing someone's Pull-Up.

7. There are two ways to deal with my nosebleeds: lie on the couch for 40 minutes; or jam what is essentially a very special nose tampon into my head.  I do not have 40 minutes to lie on the couch.

8. The nose tampons are coated with some kind of seaweed extract.  Also, they smell funny.

9. I used my last very special nose tampon yesterday. I went to four damn stores to find more of the stuff, but it's apparently is a rare commodity in Pennsylvania.  They sold it everywhere in Texas, so props to you Texas.  Cannot freaking find it here.

10. I just had to order my very special nose tampons online.  The nose tampon company doesn't offer any kind of expedited shipping.  So I'm just screwed for however long it takes for the things to get here.

I bet you feel just a little bit better about your life right now. You're welcome.

42 comments:

  1. I feel your pain. Mine aren't that bad, but I'm not above using one of the super light/slender regular tampons...I've never seen any such super special nose tampons that are coated in seaweed....

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  2. I also get chronic nosebleeds and use copious amounts of saline spray. An ENT swore the cauterization would work. It hurt worse than you already think it will and did NOT work to stop the nose bleeds. I had it done almost 4 years ago (followed shortly thereafter by septum repair) and still get them. :( hope your super special tampons arrive soon!!

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  3. Oh, wow. I *do* feel so glam now having miraculously coordinated a haircut and color the same day I got my new driver's license since the rocket scientist has the week off to wrangle the boys! Bring on the red carpet! On a more serious note, my mom had septum surgery and it did wonders for her nosebleeds. Don't wait until you're 70 to find a fix.

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  4. I do feel better now. I have so many things in common with your family but this is one thing that I don't have. Phew.

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  5. It's not funny, but it is...I woke up this morning and RAN to the kleenex box, because it was the closest thing I could find. I now have to teach the children of America, and hope my nose doesn't decide to burst open in the middle of math.

    Here's to your package arriving soon. And where can I find these magical tampons?

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  6. oh you poor dear. :( I hope your package arrives quickly. And yes, somehow the transmission falling out of our van 6 days before Christmas really doesn't seem so bad anymore.

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  7. I used to get those. Here's what helped me, if you're interested. 1) a vaporizer running every night in my room and 2) petroleum jelly up the nose. You just stick it up there with a Q-tip and coat your nostrils. It's a little gross but it totally worked for me. The doctor said it would help prevent the nosebleeds which would give my veins a chance to strengthen, and I guess it worked, because I don't get them anymore. I still run the vaporizer every night though!

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  8. My son did the nose cauterization thing on both sides when he was three. If he can handle it, so can you. :) And even better? It worked (knock on wood).

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  9. I've had my nose cauterized twice. I don't recommend it if you can avoid it. They do it with this large thing that looks like a cross between a q-tip and a match stick. Also, the doc who did mine, wasn't an ENT, but an ER doc, and caused scar tissue to close off that nostril, which then caused me to have to go see an ENT, and now I still get the freakin nose bleeds. I use a saline gel made by the neti pot people. I got it at Wegmans. Not sure if you have one in your part of PA since they're few and far between here or if places like CVS carry it. It helps better than straight saline. Also, our ENT said there's an antibiotic vaseline type substance you can get prescribed because once you get a nosebleed, bacteria can get in there causing more, if you want to ask your doc about that.

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  10. OMG! I swear blogs make me feel normal lol! Tommy and I get random nosebleeds in the winter as well. Tommy more than I. The docs say blahblahblah dry air, snort saline etc. There are nose tampons?!??!?!! omg i need to find these!

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  11. LOL - Thanks :)
    I feel great. In fact, I'm thinking I can't remember the last time I had a nose bleed. I don't think I've ever had one. Am I normal?

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  12. Oh no! I hope you find what you need there in PA. I have lots of allergies, and I got nosebleeds a lot when I was a kid. A friend told me those two things are correlated: allergies and nosebleeds. I get them once in a blue moon, but vaseline is helpful for me too, like the other person said. I'm sure you know whether it works for you or not. Just um, y'know, misery loves miserable company, right???

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  13. Yeah, I don't have them but that sounds like it totally sucks plus my oldest son would probably pass out the first couple times he saw me with a nose bleed.... and in my house I would definitely have to hide those seaweed tampon things cause the first time they saw me with one up my nose you better believe they would find it hilarious and want to do the same! Seriously I hope you find relief and have an awesome nose bleed free, stress free Christmas! Ha! Like anyone gets through Christmas stress free :)

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  14. I know you posted this because you wanted to be deluged with advice. I think the saline can be counterproductive. It will wet your nose at the time you are using it, but afterwards it dries everything up because it is salt. That's what neti pots and gargling with salt are for to stop the flow of gunk. You need to keep your nasal passages moist. That's why you have them more in the winter, because the heat is on in the house and it makes everything dry. You should invest in a good humidifier or place several of the kiddie humidifiers/vaporizers around your house. I apologize for posting anonymously, I can never figure out how to publish with AOL

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  15. Super glamorous! My husband chuckles every time I break out my nose spray...which is many times a day. He compares me to a huffing addict. lol Of course I'm pregnant now and the nosebleeds are even worse than usual. Not sure if you've tried it, but I've started using the neti-pot as well which has helped.

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  16. My daughter has bad nose bleeds. Once at school it was so bad (out both nostrils and one eye) for over 20 minutes that they did a 911. What has helped her is vasoline at night, saline spray in the morning, vaporizer in the winter.

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  17. Where in PA are you? I can look here in my area (I'm in NEPA). Also, can you ask one of the pharmacies that are local to get you a box? That really sucks. I get chronic sinus infections this time of year, so I can commisorate with the nose hell... I have a neti pot and a super nose power washer..

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  18. Per my ENT- this totally worked for me. If you can reach the spot with a q-tip put neosporin on it. It keeps it moist much better than saline, and it's not like the antibacterial properties are a downside.

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  19. Never had a nosebleed until I was pregnant. Then they happened all the time. They seem to have disappeared again, so I hope I don't ever see those again.

    As far as putting fire up your nose? I'd say go with your gut on that one.

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  20. Suck it up. No pun intended. Get the cauterization. They used to use silver nitrate acid on a q-tip. Overkill. Now, they use electricity to just zap the exposed blood vessels. Yeah, it hurts for a little while. But, once it's done, it's done. The upside? You lose this portion of your "Super Glamorous Life".

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  21. Tell me more about these nose tampons...my 11 year old & I are both nose bleeders, plus we're in south Texas! Very traumatic for a girl her age. I get them and it buys me a few minutes alone. Sometimes.

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  22. My husband gets nosebleeds all the time but I've never heard of these nose tampons before. Is the seaweed smell because of some sort of iodine solution?

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  23. WOW i am/was in the same boat as you. I used to have nosebleedes about every day int he fall/winter and at least once a week the rest of the year. Due to that im not a big fan of putting anything up my nose. I also have a bleeding diorder VonWillabrans, so my nose bleeds last(ed) 1-2 hours. I found that the sailine makes it worse, Neosporin on a Q-tip helps way better 'cause it helps heal the tissue. And for sure a humidifier every night in my room helps a ton. I got my nose cauterized on my 16th birthday in 6 places. I bleed for like 2 weeks straight but after that i now get far far far less of them. they also make this stuff called Stimate Spray works in seconds.
    Good luck!

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  24. I had my nose cauterized when I was like 5 years old. Had horrible bleeds before that in which my bedsheets and clothes made it look like I was murdered. I have not had a problem ever since. I highly recommend it.

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  25. the saline is drying out your nose and making the situation worse. After the saline and some days instead of it, take sesame oil, not toasted, and put it up your nose...with your pinky or a dropper...(olive oil will work).do this several times a day and you will start to see improvement in a short time... Ayurveda 101.

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  26. My brother had nosebleeds every night from his nose getting too dried out. The doctor had him rub Vaseline all over the inside each night. It was gross but worked like a charm!

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  27. I have the same problem. Did the cauterizing thing and it didn't take. Others have given you advice about moisturizing your nose etc, so I'm not going to repeat. My only advice is that after this had been happening for some time, a new doctor noted it might be making me anemic. One blood test later, sure enough, frequent nose bleeds were enough to cause me to be anemic. So now I take iron supplements in the winter to counter the nosebleed bullshit.

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  28. I feel you. But that doesn't mean I won't try to outdo you. I have a fashionable disease called IBS (Irresistibly Beautiful Syndrome or ... irritable bowel syndrome) which cause me to squeeze out about 100 little rabbit pellets a day. And each pellet takes at least 10 minutes so my children are always standing outside of my public toilet stall at Nordstrom or McDonalds or some mom's playdate house yelling, "Are you still trying to poop mom?" I am writing this from the toilet. Feel better about your nose??

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  29. I had my nose cauterized! I fainted before they did it, just from thinking about it, but it wasn't bad. They numb it first. Worth it to not deal with the nose bleeds. That was 15 years ago - I haven't had one since. Do it!

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  30. In a pinch, try OB tampons. Slim, of course. They should pop right up there.

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  31. I know - having people stick things up your n ose is yucky. Have you tried a humidifier? Kind of like shooting an elephant with a dart, but it might help - a little.

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  32. Nose bleeds suck. My ent perscribed me Premarin to help thicken the membranes and moisturize. Might be worth asking about if they're so bad. I know it cut mine down to nothing within 3 weeks.

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  33. As others have said, there's another solution: they recommend vaseline. I personally prefer Lansinoh, the same kind you use on nipples when nursing. Get it in the breastfeeding section at Target or whatever. I use a pea-sized portion on a Q-tip. It really heals the cracked parts of my nose, and keeps away the bleeds.

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  34. OMG the woman formerly known as beautiful totally wins!

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  35. I had this condition from age range 5-12, then outgrew it. Had to have my nose cauterized every few months, for years! My mom worked for an ENT, which was convenient. I would get the nosebleeds randomly day or night (while sleeping or on school field trip, etc) and they would last 3-4 hours. It's because the veins in your nose are too close to the surface and the dry air in winter causes cracks, therefore bleeding. Key is to keep the inside of your nose from drying out: humidifier, vasoline/lotion/etc. Stick anything up there you can to keep your nose from drying out. I have read Vit K is supposed to help, though never tried it. Also, I saw a cool way to stop the bleeding recently. My friend's daughter has same problem. My friend had her lie down on her back with her feet and legs straight up, and whacked the bottoms of her feet really hard--and it stopped the bleeding!

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  36. Nose cauterisation does work, but is a grim prospect. In addition, (while you're waiting to get the courage up to get that done, perhaps?) I learned from a Cook Islander that if you tie something - anything - really tight around your little finger on the right while sitting, it'll stop the flow almost immediately. Give it a go - less horrendous than nose tampons, less drastic than cauterisation....

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  37. Yuck! I had something done to my nose when I was a child...I'm not sure what it was, but it burned. I had chronic nosebleeds up until that point.

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  38. I've seen several comments on here recommending oil or ointment, and I agree with them. My husband suffered from massive nosebleeds up til last year, when he started using Aquaphor ointment, made by Eucerin. It's awesome for super dry skin problems, I've been hijacking it for my chapped lips lately. He hasn't had a nosebleed this winter *at all*. Good luck!

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  39. As a fellow chronic nosebleeder, I feel your pain. If you ever run out of magic nose tampons again, slim fit OB tampons work quite well. You just have to trim them so they aren't hanging down to your upper lip.

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  40. This is very behind, but I'm reading your archives! Love your blog.

    I had terrible nosebleeds for years, and lived on Boroleum. If you're still looking for help with this, give it a try!

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  41. I am reading the archives as well and I also used to have very bad/regular nosebleeds. My ENT said I was holding my nose spray bottle wrong and sure enough, that fixed it. But if you do have one, you might try Afrin on a Q-tip. It will make the bleeding stop.

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  42. I'm 61 years old and have never suffered from chronic nosebleeds but suddenly I've been having the every few days at random for the last 6 months. I've had my nose cauterized twice by an ENT guy and after the first time I went 16 days without a nosebleed. That was my longest nosebleed-free stretch so far, but then they started up again. The 2nd cauterization only lasted about 1 week, so I'm giving up on that approach. I'm now trying a 2-pronged approach and we'll see how that works: 1. Drink plenty of water to stay hydrated. I've never been a big water fan, but if it will stop the nosebleeds I'll drink a gallon a day. 2. I bought some stuff called Saline Nasal Gel at CVS. It's made by CVS and it contains aloe vera, among other things. I've been putting a drop of it on a pea-sized piece of cotton and sticking it up my nose 2 or 3 times a day and leaving it there all day and night. It's slightly annoying, but not nearly as annoying as bleeding all over the place. I've only been following this regimen for 3 days since my last nosebleed so it's too early to tell if it will work, but if it doesn't I'll probably try Vaseline or one of the other ointments recommended by others. Thanks for this website!

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