What I'm Laughing About This Halloween: Part 1

Pants, you need.

Meh.  You guys already know how I feel about Halloween.  I adore it.  I adore the candy, the creative costumes, the meeting of neighbors.  The only thing I don't adore is the dressing of children in costumes that used to be reserved for Frederick's of Hollywood catalogs.

If you aren't sure how I feel about those costumes, you can check out my rants from last year (complete with illustrations) here: Ten Halloween Costumes I Hate, 11 Halloween Costume FAILS, and 10 Halloween Costume WINS.

There's really no point in adding to those, right?.

Or maybe there is.  The Halloween Industry continues to come up with new and exciting ways to make Halloween pants-optional for our daughters.  Let me reiterate that I believe that if you're a grown adult and you want to dress like a naughty nurse, sassy zombie kitten, sexy social worker, or whatever, you go for yours.  You're hot and you own it, girlfriend.  All I know is, my daughters are going to have to wait until they're living not in my house (college? apartment? juvie?) before they ever put on a get-up like this.

Here's a few new "career" costumes marketed to girls for 2011:

Source: Skank it up at Party City.



Source: More Party City skankarama.



Source: Halloween Express, for all your fetishwear costume needs.

There's also the Monster High costumes, which for some reason look like tiny little drag queen outfits.  This one looks kind of like Cher went Dumpster-diving:

Source: Costume SuperCenter, or possibly a Dumpster behind a drag show bar.

This next one isn't a new costume; it's one I had seen last year during my Halloween "research."  However, this year I met a mom who happily told me that last year, she and her seven-year-old daughter were both Eskimo Cuties.  I knew exactly which costume she was talking about, because I'd almost included it in one of my posts. At the time, I decided it wasn't quite offensive enough.  But adding the matchy-matchy aspect really brings it up a notch.

If any little girls show up trick-or-treating at my door in one of these costumes, they're getting pants and a lecture about self-respect the dangers of frostbite, not candy.