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| "Mommy, what is that caterpillar doing?" "Uhh ... using his nebulizer." |
As for Little Dude, forget it. The precise moment I'm done chasing him around with sunblock is when I have to start chasing him around with the moisturizer.
(Likewise, exactly when their seasonal allergies start to drop off, their asthma picks up and then we're sucking on the nebulizer like a damn hookah.)
Keep in mind that we can't just use any old moisturizer. Any bottle labeled "greaseless feel" or "absorbs instantly" is useless for us. We need "extra gooey" or "sticks worse than generic Vaseline." We must slather on a thick coating of Eucerin Creme, which is the exact same consistency as that goo BP spilled into the ocean in 2006. Ever seen those photos of seagulls with crude oil stuck to their feathers? Like that.
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| Actual photo of one of my kids after Aquaphor application. |
Then, when the weather gets cold enough for me to turn on the heat, it means we have to switch over to Aquaphor. Not only does Aquaphor protect their skin, it actually makes my kids water-repellent, like some kind of kid-seal hybrid.
When my kids were really little, I would have to put Aquaphor on their faces every time we went outside in the winter. Every. Single. Time. Or else the skin on their cheeks would crack and bleed. Every. Single. Time.
Whether it's the Eucerin Creme or the Aquaphor, when you put a coating of that stuff on the kids after a bath, it seals in the moisture but it also makes them capable of staining and ruining every piece of furniture in your house. Therefore, they have to run around the house, flapping and flailing, trying to get the goo to "dry." Although the process of moisturizer being absorbed seems like it would be silent, it's actually very, very loud.
Drying moisturizer sounds like this:
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
When the over-the-counter moisturizers fail you, it's time to break out the hydrocortisone. You will start to wonder if that much topical steroid is good for a kid. You will start to call his or her tantrums "'roid rage."
After the hydrocortisone cream comes the crazy foam stuff. That stuff is so weird that it seems no one uses it except your family. Happily, that means your pediatrician has cases and cases of samples you can have, because you win the prize for biggest freakshow family in his practice. (Thanks, pharmaceutical reps!)
The foam makes a different sound while drying. It sounds like this:
Our eczema isn't crazy bad but we've had good success with switching from Clear Hills Honey Bee Balm and Eucerin creme. Thankfully, mine are also growing out of it. One side effect, though, is that every time that my daughter has an issue from a pain to a cut, it requires lotion to cure it.
ReplyDeletehave you been stalking my family?
ReplyDeletearound here the mantra is "ALL DONE LOTION!! ALL DONE LOTION!!"
Ugh I know the feeling! I had never even heard of eczema until I moved to MN from CA. The best thing we've found is Mustela which is only a little greasy but cleared up our little ones Eczema overnight. Pricey but lasts the entire season- good luck!
ReplyDeleteThis is my house too! Funny story when my oldest was about 3, he felt the need to put the lotion on all by himself. Needless to say in the 3 minutes he was out of my sight he managed to cover himself, my bed, the rug, and the floor with a layer of Aquaphor. UGH!
ReplyDeleteYou have just described my kids, down to the scaly cheeks. Both butts and faces. They scream like they're in a horror movie with me running behind screaming, "Just one more glob, just one more glob!!!"
ReplyDeleteCetaphil is our lotion of choice.....
Evening Primrose Oil. My friend takes it and it improved her Eczema big time. It's also good for when Auntie Flo decides to visit.
ReplyDeleteOh my but this does sound so familiar. Bathing every night, which is down from the twice a day we had to do when the little guy was just a baby, followed by a very liberal coating of something thick and prone to staining. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteMy little guy had it so badly I thought he had the chicken pox. Nope, no pox just horrible eczema with a secondary infection. Total mom fail there.
My son tolerates the lotion but reminds me a million and one times as I apply it, "Don't get it on my play hands!" and "Don't put it on my walking feet!" (his palms of hands and bottoms of feet). And I don't dare go anywhere near his face. I sneak in when he's sleeping and lather up his cheeks and around his mouth, which is the worst because he chews his clothes all day!
ReplyDeleteBAM! And the scales appear on my son's arms.
ReplyDeleteMy humidifiers are all lined up at the ready. Aquaphor stocked. Aloe plants to be purchased shortly.
Yes, familiar here too. Once I was in Target to pick up Aquaphor, and two women in front of me were looking at the enormous economy-size tub of it and laughing, wondering "who uses this much?". Then I reached past them to pick up that same economy size tub of Aquaphor and put it in my basket. "Um, we do."
ReplyDeleteUgh, I feel your pain. I remember when I was a kid laying naked under the covers sobbing because I was so itchy and nothing was helping. Eventually my Mom discovered that best of everything we tried was to just SLATHER me with olive oil IMMEDIATELY after bathing (which happened as rarely as possible in the winter) no drying off beforehand. I grew out of it (mostly) but my kids seem to have the same inclination towards the scales. For their faces I actually use a tube of nipple cream (Lasinoh? something like that, you probably know what I mean). I chose that because it is thick like tar so they are less likely to lick it off and it has the added benefit of being fine to swallow (I'm assuming here, I mean, nursing mothers are supposed to use it, so it SHOULD be fine for their babies to suck on right?)
ReplyDeleteUgh, good luck. That two hour window once a year between needing all the lotions and various breathing apparatus is blissful, isn't it?
While I am sure this totally sucks for you and the kids, I had to laugh at your post. You are so damn funny, I can't help it. Good luck keeping your kids oiled up!
ReplyDeleteI feel for you and your kids, so with you on the eczema, I have had it since the day I was born and now at 24 it has gotten better but still have all those expensive prescription creams and steroids and the Aveeno baby lotion...but now that you mention it my skin has started to flare pretty bad in the last couple of weeks...OH and I remember those creams that burn and make you cry and my mom hated that they made me cry but wanted to stop the itching for me....Good Luck getting through the winter
ReplyDeleteThe eczema is back at our house too, and the asthma. My husband, I, and now our 10 month old all have it. We have a steady stock of cetaphil, hydrocortisone, triple cream, and Mary Kay night emollient (which was given as a gift, but worked great on the adult eczema!) What's the foamy stuff called? Maybe we need that. :) I just heard the familiar sound of static as I moved on the couch too...hello Fall weather.
ReplyDeleteyou need to talk to me and your sister about some other products that might help :) Arbonne....
ReplyDeleteThanks for the names of some more stuff I can try on my daughter's "ouchie elbows". I haven't the heart to use the stuff that burns (and so many things "burn" her) because I can't tell whether it's actually helping at all. Nothing we have tried short of petroleum jelly seems to help it heal. At least she's got it mild and only in a couple small patches (knock wood!)
ReplyDeleteWhen she first got her nebulizer (age 2?), I decided I should dress her up as the Caterpillar from Alice, but I never got my act together. Baby's first hookah... I had hoped she had outgrown the need for it as it's been so long since we needed it, but we've already gotten it out this year.
Best of luck. Love your blog. I'm rooting for everyone.
Oh, I feel your pain. My son (now 2) looked like a burn victim for most of his first year of life. Heavy duty topical steroids, baths in Oilatum twice a day, and greasing him up immediately afterwards without drying him.
ReplyDeleteHe's slightly better now but the weather is getting cold and yes, his skin is starting to feel sandpapery. Ugh.
wow....have you been to my house? We've busted out the nebulizer already and are in that fun mode....and Aquaphor is big over here too...oiy! No bueno
ReplyDeletestarnk raving mad mommy, can I just tell you how much I love you? I'm not sure eczema has ever made me laugh until now. Now I'm off to slather myself in lotion and yell EEEEEEWWWWWW till I wake up the baby.
ReplyDeleteDunno how or why but Honey Badger likes her post-bath rub-down. I use various mendicants but steer clear of the Aquaphor if I can help it. In the depths of winter I like uber-thick prescription-strength cortisone grease followed by Aveeno baby. We've recently discovered Cortizone 10 eczema intensive healing lotion which works like the bomb in summer but has yet to be tested over a winter. I don't even want to know what that foamy-stingey stuff is - keep it away!!
ReplyDeleteGood to know we're not the only ones who call it "'roid rage." Although ours is usually from the prednisone/albuterol cocktail from the umpteenth respiratory infection. *Knocking on wood* We've gotten away with just inhalers so far this fall. Usually the neb is begging for a break by now.
ReplyDeleteWe've switched to CeraVe, It work for my little guy and less goopy.
ReplyDeleteAquaphor is a gift from god. I use it like Greeks use Windex.
ReplyDeleteMy kids just have VERY dry skin. Though when I met Luke in China his skin was awful with cracks! For the cracks I use a little neosporin and for the parts of the body covered by PJ's I use vasoline.
ReplyDeleteNivea Creme...works for my adult stuff but the Aquaphor has had to be broken out already for the little dry monsters. And with the sensory issues, lotioning is a nightmare with one of my boys. Now off to coat my hands again after my bathroom trip...
ReplyDeleteI have nothing of value to add here, just I laughed so hard I cried reading this. I really needed to feel better this morning and you helped so much. We did have a lovely neighbor who tried to give us pure fish oil for my scaly beauty - she could spit it impressively far; 10 feet once. So then we tried rubbing it on her (skin is our largest organ)- made every jammie and sheet in the house smell like dead fish. For months. Slimy Aquaphor it is then....
ReplyDeleteSo. Very. Funny.
ReplyDeleteThank you I now don't feel like the only one! That chart above is my house too! Right down to the nebulizer.
ReplyDeleteMy hubbby and daughter get it a little, but not in the ways you describe! How horrible! At least you make yourself and others laugh through it. When theirs get bad, we use tea tree oil soap and I make an olive oil and tea tree oil mixture. It heals almost instantly. I am sure you have probably tried everything, but in the off chance you hadn't, this might help. And it is cheaper ;~) (Trader Joes has a lovely one!)
ReplyDeleteForgot to mention our water softener was the biggest culprit for us. Took it out, and their skin improved within days! The Dr said that is freakishly rare. Yes, of course it is....
I've dealt with "The E" all of my life and now all of my kids so far - however I never laughed before, so thanks!! I can't decide which is my favorite line from this: "Not only does Aquaphor protect their skin, it actually makes my kids water-repellent, like some kind of kid-seal hybrid." - which we all know is SO TRUE - or - "sticks worse than generic Vaseline." Cuz ya know, I don't know that I've ever used generic vaseline, but it sounds majorly sticky. Thank you for giving some laughs!! :)
ReplyDeleteI second Lisa on the CeraVe. Way more effective than Eucerin and feels better too!
ReplyDeletehaha I lol'd at this post, very clever. sending my best wishes to you and your greasy children x
ReplyDeleteSounds like quite a work out for you! Good luck chasing after Little Dude.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I'm not the only one keeping myself up nights worrying that I am damaging my child with topical steroids, and worse - the Protopic which I tried once and it gave me a blinding headache. But surrrre. Use it on your toddler.
ReplyDeleteI have to chime in, though. Since we switched from Aquaphor to CeraVe we use about half as much of the 'roids. Plunk 'em in the bath, slather 'em with CeraVe (goopy cream in winter, Lotion in summer) and stuff 'em into fleece footie pajamas to baste until morning. And have you tried those new lip balms? We use a blue Nivea one and it works good, but it feels awesome going on. Every little bit helps, right?
My RN Sis-in-law made us a concoction of cortisone IN Aquaphor...AWESOME! The Aquaphor seals in the moisture AND the cortisone!! One application, one wrestling match and DONE!
ReplyDeleteWe used to have to use Aveeno and ONLY aveeno oatmeal soap on him and then their eczema lotion and then hydrocortisone afterwards. Now we use Elocon now. Hydrocortisone was causing eczema scarring on his arms and legs. This one doesn't and clears it faster.
ReplyDelete