|Note that she didn't say "every child." |
Image via Uplifting Prints on Etsy.
1. Please Don't Mess With My Toaster
Little Dude: "Mommy, do we have a toaster?"
Me: "Yes. Would you like some toast?"
LD: "No. But could you get me the toaster?"
Me: "Uh, why?"
LD: "For experiments. Science experiments."
Me: "That doesn't sound very safe. Toasters can make fires."
LD: "Oh. But when I'm older I'm going to do science experiments on toasters. Like, what else can you put in a toaster? Can you toast -- (pause for effect) -- cookies?"
2. You're Not Paying Me At All
Little Dude: "Daddy, where are you?"
Daddy: "In the bathroom!"
LD: "I'm not paying you to go to the bathroom!"
3. But That Was Nine Months Ago
My friend Mary: "I'm so excited to go out to the movies tonight with SRMM. I haven't been out with just grown-ups in months and months."
Her daughter: "You went Christmas shopping with Aunt Becky."
4. It's Not a Lie If You Really Believe It (Because It's True)
The Pork Lo Maniac, to me, after being told that the flu vaccine had just come in, so all four kids could get the shot today, even though it was just the Peanut Butter Kid's well check: "YOU LIED TO US!"
5. That's Not a Fair Fight
Little Dude: "Mommy, I need one of those things. They're for metal. And they go TSSSSSSSSS TSSSSSSSSSSS TSSSSSSSSSSS.
Me: "A blowtorch?"
LD: "Yes. I'm going to need a blowtorch."
Me: "What do you need a blowtorch for?"
LD: "So I can beat Daddy at wrestling."
By the way? When I think of blowtorches, I can only think of Julia Child, who famously said, "I think every woman should have a blowtorch."