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| Note that she didn't say "every child." Image via Uplifting Prints on Etsy. |
1. Please Don't Mess With My Toaster
Little Dude: "Mommy, do we have a toaster?"
Me: "Yes. Would you like some toast?"
LD: "No. But could you get me the toaster?"
Me: "Uh, why?"
LD: "For experiments. Science experiments."
Me: "That doesn't sound very safe. Toasters can make fires."
LD: "Oh. But when I'm older I'm going to do science experiments on toasters. Like, what else can you put in a toaster? Can you toast -- (pause for effect) -- cookies?"
2. You're Not Paying Me At All
Little Dude: "Daddy, where are you?"
Daddy: "In the bathroom!"
LD: "I'm not paying you to go to the bathroom!"
3. But That Was Nine Months Ago
My friend Mary: "I'm so excited to go out to the movies tonight with SRMM. I haven't been out with just grown-ups in months and months."
Her daughter: "You went Christmas shopping with Aunt Becky."
4. It's Not a Lie If You Really Believe It (Because It's True)
The Pork Lo Maniac, to me, after being told that the flu vaccine had just come in, so all four kids could get the shot today, even though it was just the Peanut Butter Kid's well check: "YOU LIED TO US!"
5. That's Not a Fair Fight
Little Dude: "Mommy, I need one of those things. They're for metal. And they go TSSSSSSSSS TSSSSSSSSSSS TSSSSSSSSSSS.
Me: "A blowtorch?"
LD: "Yes. I'm going to need a blowtorch."
Me: "What do you need a blowtorch for?"
LD: "So I can beat Daddy at wrestling."
By the way? When I think of blowtorches, I can only think of Julia Child, who famously said, "I think every woman should have a blowtorch."
I need a blowtorch myself there's this husband and this garage...
ReplyDeletePerhaps you can whip up a companion post: "Things I never thought I'd hear myself say."
ReplyDeleteHilarious. My favorite, lately, would be my then-6 year old explaining why he talks so much: "My mouth just has so much information."
ReplyDeleteLove it, love it, love it. Reminds me so much of some of the things our 6 year old Aspie has said, which keeps me and my husband rolling in laughter and helps keep us sane.
ReplyDeleteAt least he didn't want to blowtorch the cookies, That would just be a waste.
ReplyDeleteJulie
ilikebeerandbabies.com
I love the things kids come up with!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness your son is awesome! I would be so tempted to give him the toaster, just to see what happens (supervised of course) lol.
ReplyDeleteThose are some nice snippets. I was amused.
ReplyDeleteMy wife has a blowtorch. She SAYS it's for creme brulee. . . but she has never ever made creme brulee, so I have my doubts, and I try to always stay on her goodside and go to bed AFTER she's asleep.
Every woman NEEDS a blow torch. Welding is more fun than you can imagine.
ReplyDeleteSo hilarious!
ReplyDeleteAlso, maybe you should lock up your appliances, he is giving you a heads up. Just saying. LOL!
Must be in the air. At bedtime the other night, my little one asked me, "Is it possible that there is a metal can with pants in it frozen in an iceberg at the North Pole?" We established that it was feasible that that could happen and he promptly fell asleep. LOL
ReplyDeleteI'm not paying you to go to the bathroom! I'm crying. Your kids are awesome. I also like the cookies in the toaster, sounds like something my Monkey would say. :)
ReplyDeleteSometimes, when my four year old has done something mind-blowingly naughty for the 44th time that day, I get exasperated and ask the stupid, stupid question: "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?!?!". His answer is usually something like this: "I'm SORry! My BRAIN just told me to do it, so I DID!!" (always in a similar tone to mine). *Sigh*
ReplyDeleteOne of my 3 1/2 year olds "Mommy we were really good at school" (they just started pre-school). Me "I'm very proud of you, now can you be just as good at home?" "We try mommy, but we just CAN'T!"
ReplyDeleteMy 6 year old daughter called a boy from school over the weekend and I walked in on her asking: "Do you want to come over and get in the hot tub?" Oh my, oh my.
ReplyDeleteThe blow torch one had me rolling. Reminded me of when my then two-year-old saw a flame thrower at a carnival and asked with eyes as big as saucers, "Can US do that?"
ReplyDeleteI read the toster and blow torch parts to my husband, who IS a scientist. He said "Yes you can toast cookies." and "You can toast cookies with the blowtorch!"
ReplyDeleteI'm in trouble in a few years, arn't I? (expecting boy #1 in Dec)
So funny! I thought the "I'm not paying you for that" was the best of them all, but then again, so were all the others...
ReplyDeleteAnd some of the commenters are pretty funny too! My children are way too serious... and I'm way too slow to note down the funny things they say - should start writing daily as before, it is worth it right?
So this has nothing to do with this post but if anyone reads this and has anything to offer I would like to hear from ya. This is soooo small compared to so many people's issues with their children so I feel a bit guilty writing about it but at the same time I know that small things can seem huge to parents who really love their children. To the point now, my son is dealing with eczema. It is on his face around his mouth primarily and will also be on his butt. It is kinda weird that he has it the 2 places that food go in and food come out so I am not sure if it could be a food allergy or not. I really don't want to put him through all the allergy testing unless I have to. But anyways, it was doing super good and then overnight it got terrible. He wakes up looking like he has red lipstick all over his face from the inflammation/irritation. The only thing that I am can really come up with his tomato based products. Does anyone out there have a child that has eczema and is allergic to tomato/spaghetti sauces? He had spaghetti last night and I even thought about not giving it to him and then he wakes up this morning with his face totally red & it is grandparents day program at school :( I feel so bad when he looks this way even though at this age he doesn't seem to care.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh...that is so funny! I especially love the toaster and the blowtorch. Little Dude sounds like a mad scientist...
ReplyDeleteI do have a blowtorch and we use it to make toasted marshmallows. Good times. Now I want to know what happens when you toast a cookie.
ReplyDeleteOh the shot at the doctors office nightmare! I hate that sooo much. I am a nurse in a peds office and always have to break that news. And they kid always says "mommy you prooooo-mised no shots". I blame myself. I tell them I lied to mommy and she didn't know.
ReplyDelete