Top 10 Things to Do Instead of What You're Supposed to Be Doing

Despite the fact that I am leaving to go camping in the rain a mere nine eight seven hours from now, I have thus far avoided packing, shopping, or even making a shopping list for this camping trip. 

"Wow," I can hear you saying.  "You have crippling ADHD are incredibly talented at procrastinating. Can you share your prescription amphetamines procrastination tips with me?"

Why, sure.  Here are my top ten things to do instead of doing what you're supposed to be doing:

10. Check your e-mail.  Pay special attention to subject lines that start with "FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD:"  Ignore e-mails with subject lines that say things like "Your account needs your attention."  Surf Facebook, the greatest time-suck ever known.  Also, check Twitter.  Spend 30 minutes composing witty status updates and tweets about your procrastination problem.

9. Check your mailbox.  Not your e-mail mailbox, because the only emails left are the ones making you feel guilty.  Check your snail-mail mailbox.  Marvel at how many companies send you catalogs for things you don't want and can't afford.  Contemplate how many trees have been slayed by Pottery Barn alone.  Read all the catalogs.

Sometimes my similarity to Patrick Star is just eerie.

8. Make a list of things you should do.  Include things you've already done so you can check them off and feel like less of a slacker.  Tell yourself that since you've "gotten so much done already," it's time for a trip to Starbucks.

7. If one of the things you need to do involves a purchase, be sure to research that purchase thoroughly on the Internet.  Just a few things you should look for include best price, environmentally-sound alternatives, user reviews, shipping costs, clubs that will ship your needed item to you once a month, color options, flavor options, aromatherapy options, safety recalls, EPA warnings, Energy Star ratings, BPA content, Spandex content, recycled material content, and whether you have to assemble it or not. These all apply, whether you need a new refrigerator or a quart of half-and-half.

6. It's never to early to think about holiday card design.  Obviously, you haven't taken your kids' photo yet, or made a list of your card recipients, but it's a good idea to go online to one of those card-printing sites and look at the different layouts.  Note that the families in the sample cards are far more attractive than yours.  Think about dying your hair.  Most importantly, note the colors of the cards you like and think about buying outfits for your kids that would match.  You'll forget to do this by tomorrow.  Or if you do remember on December 20 when you're scrambling for holiday outfits, you'll forget which colors you wanted.  Or if you do remember which colors, they won't be in stock anyway and you'll have to dress your children in matching battery-powered reindeer sweaters with light-up antlers.

I'm always thinking of the children. Yeah,
I'm a giver.

5. Become frustrated with your procrastination, clutter, and general lack of organization.  Decide to rectify the entire situation, starting with organizing the children's dressers.  Organize one sock drawer.  Wonder why a child who only wears white crew socks still has no matching socks.  Throw out all the socks and add "buy socks for boy" to your list.  Boy will wear sandals for the next two weeks.

4. Play a couple games of Lego Star Wars on the Wii with your kids.  It's not time-wasting, it's playful bonding with your children.  Pay yourself on the back for putting your kids at the top of your priority list.  Rationalization for the win.

3. Don't forget about your pets!  Fluffy needs love too.  Lie on the couch and force cat to snuggle.  After the cat scratches you and stalks off indignantly, continue lying on the couch while trying to convince yourself that it doesn't hurt your feelings that the cat hates you.  Wake up with two hours later to find that you have drooled on the couch cushion.  Turn cushion over.

2. Clean something that doesn't need to be cleaned. Sure, your laundry pile is a mile high and the kitchen floor is so sticky that the children have taken to calling it "the quicksand." You know what you should do? Polish the cabinet doors. Alternate suggestion: alphabetize your spices.
1.  Start a blog.