|Holy crap. This Michael Kors sandal for girls|
has a 1" platform and 2.75" heel.
Also: needs more glitter.
Also: needs more trends jammed into one shoe.
If you've been following along with my blog for a while, you know that I cannot stand skanky stuff for little girls. If you're not clear on my stance on this, please review my take on Halloween costumes, my thoughts on Bratz dolls, or really the the entire "Stop Dressing Like a Skank and/or Dressing Your Kid Like a Skank" section on The Best of SRMM.
We have a memorial event to go to next month to honor my father-in-law, and it would be nice if my kids had something summery to wear on their feet besides Crocs.
Last weekend, I went sandal shopping with my three daughters, aged seven, ten, and ten. The horror ... the horror.
I'm not exactly sure when the Shoe Industry decided that little girls needed quite so many high-heel options, but I'm pretty sure it was before Memorial Day Weekend, 2011.
You know what? We see enough medical specialists without adding in an orthopedist when they fall off the platform shoes, or the podiatrist by the time they're eighteen when their feet are a mess from wearing high heels while their bones are still growing. I am seriously not in the mood to deal with teeny-tiny little bunions and itty-bitty hammer toes from these whacked-out shoes.
After going to three different stores, we found sandals for all three girls. Perhaps Kohl's, Target, and Payless could help me out in the future by organizing their sandals into "skankeriffic" and "won't embarass their grandparents" sections. That would totally speed up the process.
Yes, I know that there are brands and stores that probably carry more traditional sandals, but sadly those well-made shoes are a bit out of my budget. There are a lot of feet to be shod in this family. Also, lest you think that only the cheapy-cheap stores are carrying ridiculous wedge heels for little girls, please note that Michael Kors is hawking 2.75-inch heeled sandals for girls over at Bloomingdale's.
I was so horrified by what I found out there, that I was prompted to bring you the Top Ten Shoes My Daughters Will Not Be Wearing This Summer.
Before I do that, though, I need to clarify what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about sandals that are ugly, tacky, or just plain overly trendy (gladiator sandals, I'm looking at you). I'm not talking about sandals with little heels that are clearly meant for very special occasions.
Let's take a look at what I'm not even talking about:
Conveniently, these gems come in toddler sizes, so that your two-year-old can pretend to be a very tiny, but flamboyant, ancient Roman swordsman.
Seriously, I just don't get cuff sandals. Maybe they're for when you can't decide whether you want to go to the beach or re-enact Madonna videos from 1984?
Apparently these are for when your three-year-old can't decide between the gladiator style or the cuff sandals. Because what toddler *doesn't* love having her heels and ankles be all sweaty in July?
I get it. It's for some special occasion. Okay. But still; really? Plus, it could really use more shine.
Okay, so now we know what I'm *not* talking about. You know what I *am* talking about? Shoes that are so inappropriate, Suri Cruise wouldn't wear them. Here, then, are the Top Ten Most Skankeriffic Shoes My Daughters Will Not Be Wearing This Summer. Please note that all the shoes shown in this post come in sizes to fit my seven-year-old daughter.
9. Wood With Lamé. Kenneth Cole seems a little fond of wood. Just sayin.'
8. WTF Flip-Flops. I'm really not sure why a flip-flop would need to be two inches high. Maybe for added height when spiking the ball in beach volleyball?
4. For "Solid Gold Dancer" Try-Outs. It just occurred to me that "Solid Gold" is possibly the only show from the 70s that hasn't been made into a movie yet. Let's start a pool as to when that will happen. I'm betting on this August.
3. For the Youngest Project Runway Enthusiast. You know what? I don't care if you *are* the next Heidi Klum, sweetie. Children's shoes should not have 2.75-inch heels.
2. Make Up Your Mind. These shoes creep me out because the leather (pleather?) part looks so much like the white sandals my girls wore when they were four. But then they slapped it on top of both a wedge and a platform. Here's a clue: if your child is too young to manage an actual buckle, and must resort to Velcro, she probably does not need 2-inch platform heels.