Now when you see the crazy lady at the beach whose entire family is wearing long-sleeve rash guards and giant floppy hats? That's me. Also, obviously, I am now a sunblock freak. I buy sunblock by the gallon. Literally. I buy gallon-sized jars of a sunblock that's made for Australian people, where there is no ozone layer left anymore. (By the way, sorry about that, Aussies. I assume my excessive use of AquaNet in 1987 is at least partly to blame for that.)
My kids used to complain about it, but then I took them with me to the dermatologist for one of my mole inspections. He removed three dysplastic moles at that appointment. They turned to the wall and sang Girl Scout songs during the removal, but they got the picture. Also, I have trained them to say "I'll thank you when I'm thirty" while I apply the sunblock.
All that is bad enough. But now there is West Nile Virus to freak out about. Last weekend I found a dead bird in my backyard and got about ten mosquito bites all within the space of about five minutes: let the freak out begin. I reported the dead bird through Pennsylvania's handy "I Found a Dead Bird" West Nile Freak-Out Reporting Page. I assume the good people at the Pennsylvania Department of Health put this page up so that crazy moms would stop calling them every time they find a cat with a dead bird in its mouth. The best part of reporting a dead bird through this website is the subsequent e-mail you receive, with the subject line, "Thanks for your Dead Bird report."
|There ya go! That 4-ounce popsicle should hold you for the next 10 hours.|
Also, I cannot just buy bottled water while we're out, because then I get a lecture from my environmentally-conscious kids. So I have to plan ahead (not my strong suit) and bring water in a reusable bottle. And don't forget: the bottle cannot have BPA in it, because that causes autism. Oh, wait ... too late.
|"Children Losing Their Math Facts," |
by Mary Cassatt, 1884.
|I'm not sure our dinner table needs a percussion section.|