For a short time, Little Dude insisted that he wanted to go home. Obviously, I found the Lego bin immediately. He still wanted to go home. I said, "well, I'm going to play with the Legos. Oooh, look. Lego cars. And Lego animals!"
OMG Lego animals? Are you kidding me? They have a whole set of Lego zoo animals and Lego farm animals. And Lego cars and Lego police helicopters and even a Lego recycling pick-up truck. It's amazing. And it's especially amazing for me because seeing him play with something that is not Star Wars-related is so refreshing I want to cry.
Once I got him playing with the Legos, he was pretty much fine.
We also did some puzzles. Another boy came over to help, which Little Dude was clearly not down with. However, I was impressed: Little Dude sat there motionless, expressionless, and waited until the boy was done "helping." He did not freak out. He did not cry. He did not smack the puzzle pieces out of the boy's hands. Instead, he waited. When the boy was done putting the puzzle together, Little Dude said evenly, "Now I will do it over." He took it apart and re-did it. Awesome, right?
Yeah ... it's amazing what you start to see as awesome.
We go back tomorrow. It's only three mornings a week. On one other morning a week, I help out at the elementary school library during the Pork Lo Maniac's library time. Little Dude sits at a table there and looks at books, or follows his sister around the library. He helps me re-shelve the books.
Here's what I've learned: observing your own child in a school environment is absolutely invaluable to parents of special needs children. Yes, I know lots of kids are different at home than they are at school. Yes, I know that his behavior is probably different when I'm there than when I'm not there. Yes, I know that schools can't have parents traipsing in and disrupting classes constantly.
However.
It's giving me tremendous insight into what his school-environment triggers are going to be in Kindergarten. We haven't had his Kindergarten IEP meeting yet, so believe me, I'm taking notes and I'll be bringing my suggestions to the meeting.
For example, while Little Dude may not qualify for Physical Therapy because he can go up and down stairs, I now know that he will not go up and down stairs when there are other kids on them. He just stops, clutching the railing, patiently waiting for the stream of children to go past. Fine, it's not a physical therapy problem. But it's something. Sensory? Anxiety? I don't know. But I know for sure that it's going to be a huge problem for his Kindergarten teacher.
One of the reasons we picked the school we picked was because they WANTED us to come in and observe as much as humanly possible. WANT US. The other schools? Let's just say one wouldn't let us come but twice a year and the other wanted us to call first to see if it was a good time. Um, no. This school considers us a part of the team. And, I can tell you, he is so much different at school than at home. So much more independent. So much happier.
ReplyDeleteHave I mentioned how much I like his new school?
The stairs and people. This is the sort of thing I'm having to explain why my 4yo needs OT. He can do some things, but he won't if his sensibilities are assaulted, and lets face it, in a K class of possibly 20 or more other kids, that's going to happen. I don't understand why more professionals don't understand the sensory aspect to autism.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could observe my son's class at developmental preschool, but they don't allow it. They act as if it's some sort of HIPAA violation to let us see the other children (not like we don't see them twice a day at drop-off and pick-up). I suspect the real reason is that unusual grown-ups in the room disrupt the routine and upset the children. This causes me to be obsessed with what my child is doing in there all morning and pitifully eager and grateful for every detail the teacher gives me at the end of the day. Glad you can be there with him!
ReplyDeleteYEAH for schools that welcome you in. I've said any school that doesn't welcome parents with open arms are either hiding something or afraid of what parents might think. Yes some parents can be a distraction but every parent has the right to know EVERYTHING that goes on during their childs day, even more important when your child can't truly tell you all that. Great for you taking notes!!
ReplyDeleteYou remind me that I really need to get in to visit my daughter's class -- a very good point. Thank you!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of Little Dude! I have a 6 yo son who is not on the spectrum who would not sit patiently and let someone else 'help' with his puzzle. That sounded really condescending and I totally didn't mean it to be. I am truly happy for Little Dude. And you are a completely amazing Mom.
ReplyDeleteThat is so cool the school lets you in! We did that as well and we insisted on another IEP meeting (painful, I know) 1 month after school started to tweak things. It helped us to really hone in on the rough spots, for lack of a better term. Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteSchools that let you be a partner in your child's education are AWESOME! Very distinct from schools that want you to "partner" in your child's education by selling stuff or "mandatory volunteer time". And I have to say, from a neurotypical perspective, I'd have done a victory dance my own self if my pre-school age kid had refrained from freaking out on a random puzzle "claim jumper". High five to Little Dude!
ReplyDeleteI am constantly amazed at the way anxiety plays into ASD. When the neurologist first said to me, "your son has marked issues with anxiety" -- I was offended. I couldn't get past the idea that *I* had done something to affect the way he percieves safety or calm. The longer I'm in this (like Ihave a choice, lol), I realize that it's just the way my son is wired. My kiddo is too little for meds, but if there were something to relieve the anxiety (and I guess over time, that's OT and the like), the rest of it would seem like small potatoes. But seriously, Little Dude sits? quietly? and reads books? while you do something else? WOW! You are obviously doing all the right things. Good Job.
ReplyDeleteI love the last comment on Legos. Our world would seriously be a lot more stressful without them. I need to start a "Moms of Aspie kids who love Legos" group because there are so many!
ReplyDeleteI agree about observing your kids at their schools. So helpful!
ReplyDeleteWe're big LEGO fans here, too. Well, actually my son is totally and completely obsessed with the things. This is why I am starting a LEGO social skills group in my town. We can't wait to get it started. I applied for a Pepsi Refresh grant to pay for training and supplies. If you get a chance, you can vote here:
http://www.refresheverything.com/legoclub
@Yvette, what about a closed-circuit tv? If observing in the room would create too many problems with the kids they should still have a set-up that allows you to see what's going on in your child's classroom at any given time, with or without notice.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Good Job Little Dude! You keep being ah-MAY-zing!!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you guys managed to get an acceptable set up, and WHOOO! for Little Dude dealing with the "helping" child.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I have never observed my son's class. If I tried he'd be so incredibly distracted. As it is his behavioral therapist and the school psychologists report that even their presence completely distracts him. Mom-who-I-am-attached-to-at-the-hip would be a lot worse!
Wow! There is no way my little man would have watched patiently while someone "helped" with the puzzle!! He would have SCREAMED at the other kid about not wanting him to help!! Yikes!! And my little man's obbsession is trains or sometimes cars!!!
ReplyDeleteJust reading through your blog! We just got an official DX of Aspergers and I kinda figured here would be a good place to get some humor from the stress of it all!!