Doctor's Orders: More Nutella

We recently made a small increase in the Pork Lo Maniac's ADHD medication, so yesterday we went to the pediatrician for a weight check. Despite the fact that she has actually gained a pound since our last visit, her BMI is still too low. (This is even considering that children's BMIs are different from adult BMIs.)

We pretty much have four weeks to jam as much Nutella as possible into this kid, or we're going to have to dial back the Adderall. As it is, any day she doesn't have school, we won't be giving her the meds.  And we are now planning a "medication vacation" for the summer.

Oy vey. 

Seriously, this is not going to be pretty.  The Pork Lo Maniac's behavior without the ADHD medication is, um, unhelpful.

When I realized what the PLM's body mass index was, I was like, "uh... then what about Cookie?" Cookie has always been pretty much a stick figure.  Turns out Cookie, who is not on ADHD meds and seems to eat anything that isn't nailed down, has the exact same BMI as her twin sister. (Go figure.)

So both girls are now eating Nutella on doctor's orders. Given that I've spent the last twenty-odd years trying to get my own BMI lower, it's a little hard to wrap my brain around this. All four of our kids eat a healthy, balanced diet, with a fair share of Doritos thrown in for good measure. I used to think about sneaky ways to jam more fiber and veggies into their diet. Now I'm wondering what's the highest-calorie breakfast I can convince them to eat.

I know that being too skinny sounds a lot better than too heavy, and socially, I'm sure it is.  But health-wise, it is a real problem -- and not just because I'm facing the possibility of reducing, eliminating, or changing the ADHD medication that helps the Pork Lo Maniac so much.  Kids who are underweight can have lower brain function, perform more poorly on tests, have lower immune systems, and become tired more easily.  Children who are underweight also tend to have difficulty concentrating, so clearly, that's not going to help anything here.

Speaking of lower immune systems, as a side bonus, the Pork Lo Maniac's respiratory virus from last week has magically morphed into strep. This is not the first time we've gone to the pediatrician for one thing and then randomly found out something else was wrong. ("Thanks for bringing the baby in for her 12-month well check. Has she been pulling on her ears? Because she has double acute ear infections.")

Of course, about 30 minutes after the strep diagnosis, she developed a fever. It's possible our pediatrician isn't even a medical doctor but is instead one of Dionne Warwick's Psychic Friends.  Or maybe he has some kind of superpower x-ray vision that can see the germs festering inside my kids.  And then right after the fever spiked, the healthy-looking flush in her cheeks bloomed into a scarletina rash. Because strep just isn't strep in our house until it's full-on Scarlet Fever.

Isn't that what Mary Ingalls went blind from? I half expect a shirtless Michael Landon to stroll in and ask for some corn pone and hardtack, whatever the hell those things are.