What Works for You

Once upon a time, I had premature twin babies.  I tried to breastfeed them.  I pumped for them.  The pump was industrial farm equipment a top-of-the-line, hospital-grade machine.  Every two hours, I would nurse one baby, and then the other, and then they would both need bottles (half formula and half pumped milk) because they had a suckish little preemie suck, and they didn't have to work as hard with the bottles.  And then I would pump.

This two-hour cycle repeated itself for six weeks straight.

After six weeks, my husband noticed that I was going stark. raving. mad. ... but not in the fun way I am now.  He gently suggested that it might be okay to wean to formula.

I wept.  Not because I felt like I was a failure, but out of sheer relief.  I had come to hate the pump with a strength of feeling not usually associated with inanimate objects. 

I weaned gradually, over the course of a week of so.  I felt good about the decision.  But then the day after my last nursing, my hormones went all to hell and I lost my freaking mind.  I called a lactation consultant who happened to also be a member of my mothers of multiples club.

Slobbering and blubbering, I explained that I thought I had made a terrible mistake, and that I needed to re-lactate.  Although I didn't really want to pump any more.

Because she the kindest, most understanding lactation consultant on the face of the earth, and as a mother of twins herself, she said to me, "you weaned over the course of a week.  It sounds like you put  alot of thought into this, and that it's what you want to do.  You have to do what works for you and your family, and it's okay if you don't want to pump and breastfeed any more."

Epiphany.

You have to do what works for you and your family.

As it turns out, this is the unwritten motto of my mothers of multiples club, and this is why, although those babies are now ten years old, I still love to go hang out with the women in this club.

You have to do what works for you and your family.

What's that?  You're breastfeeding one twin and the other gets formula?  You're feeding both babies.  Good job, Mommy!

You say you can't get your twins on the same nap schedule?  Awesome, now you have one-on-one time.  You do have them on a schedule?  Also awesome, you should totally take a nap.

You're scheduled to get an epidural the second you think you're in labor?  Good job, you're a planner.  You've arranged to have Tibetan monks chant while you deliver in a baby pool in your back yard?  Good job, you're a planner.

We need to apply this same motto to parenting autistic children.

Homeschooling? Public school? You've taken out a third mortgage and eating a ramen-only diet to pay for private school tuition? Woot! Your kids are getting an education! Good job!


The gluten-free / casein-free diet works for you?  Epicsauce.  We spent years eating rice flour products due to our kids' allergies, and we'd definitely still be doing so if it made a difference in the world for Little Dude's Aspie behaviors. Doesn't work for us, but knock yourself out with that GF/CF goodness.  Plus, those GF frozen waffles are kinda awesome. Can I have one?

By the same token: You're a raw-food, organic vegan?  You let your kids eat peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner because you simply cannot fight that particular battle?  You have a cabinet full of nutritional supplements?  You're exhausted and picking up Happy Meals on the way home from work?  All also epicsauce.  Yay you!

Applied Behavioral Analysis 24/7?  Sensory Diet?  Something involving a balance board?  Private therapy, public school occupational therapy?  Special ed classroom?  Mainstream?  If you've found something that works for you, keep on keepin' on.

And then there's you.  How do you handle the stress?  Running marathons?  Praying really hard?  Knocking back a glass of wine with dinner?  Writing a snarky blog?  Congratulations, we will not be calling Child Protection Services!  Keep up the excellent stress-management techniques..