I'm pretty sure he's known for a long time that he was different. I wrote a piece for Salon about Little Dude's description of how his brain works. Even at age four, he could articulate that he knew other people's brains worked differently.
He never asked me why his brain was different.
We have always been open about Little Dude's Asperger Syndrome. From the time of his diagnosis, we've never treated it like a secret, or something to be ashamed of. It's just been there. But I never sat him down and said, "you have something called Asperger Syndrome."
Today, our school district had an Autism Awareness Fair. As we were getting ready to leave, Little Dude said: "Wait -- do I have autism?"
And I said, "yes."
As a family, we've talked about how people's brains can work differently. The Pork Lo Maniac and I both have ADHD; Cookie and I both have anxiety. It's just the way we are. So it was easy for me to explain to Little Dude, "You know how people's brains work differently? There's just a name for the way yours works. It's called Asperger Syndrome, which is a form of autism. It's part of why you're so awesome at math, and Legos, and video games."
Little Dude didn't say anything. (However, an autistic person not saying anything doesn't necessarily mean they're upset. For Little Dude, it usually just means that no comment is required.)
Cookie said, "it's why you're so awesome."
The Peanut Butter Kid said, "it's like another word for extra awesome."
Little Dude thought about that. "That's probably why I'm so good at wrestling. I can kick Daddy's butt."
That was that, at least for now. And off we went to the Autism Awareness Fair.Oh, and also? The absolute best place for a kid to have a meltdown? Is at an Autism Awareness Fair. Seriously, no one even notices.
My Aspie hates balloons too! Actually, she loves balloons, but only if she can play with them. She doesn't trust other kids to play with them since they'd most likely pop them.
ReplyDeleteWe haven't had the talk with her yet. Like your son, she's perfectly aware that she's different, and she's aware why she's working on her challenging areas. But (as far as I know), she doesn't know the label for it. It's possible she's read about autism or has seen the word on the walls of the places she goes for services. Who knows.
My 7 yr old aspie is ok to look at balloons but won't hold one. He did once a few years ago and was having fun until he let go. Then he cried for hours, wondering where it was and what would happen to it. Now, he won't risk accidentally letting go by even holding one.
ReplyDeleteMy son figured out he was different when he was 5. Actually, he found a book called 'I have Autism' which is a kids guide, and read it cover to cover. I had no idea, until he brought it to me and described the things the boy discusses (his sensitivities to noise, texture, excellent memory, difficulty socially) and asked 'mom, do I have autism?' So, it was time. Since then, he has focused on the things about his autism that make him extra cool. If you like, you can check out the awesome speech he did at last years Autism Speaks Walk in Vancouver. He wrote it himself: http://youtu.be/uuycdP6GbKo
Loving your blog, btw!!!!
Claire
My 7 yr old just came to the conclusion last night that she has Asperger's. We never officially told her. It was just like with your son. She read a book about Asperger's and realized that it described her. She said, "Mom, I have Asperger's!!! Right?" I told her she was right and she was happy with the answer and it was over. No biggie. (at least not to her)
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how resiliant and smart our kids that we worry so much really are.
Way to go mom! That's a big hurdle to crossover.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations for getting through another huge milestone in the journey that is Little Dude's coping with Asperger's. His uniqueness now has a label,and while he isn't saying much now, I'll bet he feels better that he knows that. Good job, SRMM. You are a star and the rest of your kids handled it well too.
ReplyDelete~physicsmom
My little dude is only 2, I intend to be open and discuss his ASD with him, in particular, his super powers, from an early age too. There's no shame in Autism.
ReplyDeleteLike your house, the diagnosis has never been a huge secret. Although now that my 9yo has figured it out, he tries to use his powers for evil instead of good. We have to keep reiterating that it's not an excuse. Our son may need to go about completing tasks differently, but he's capable and we still expect him to do his school work homework, etc.
ReplyDeleteI too have always tried to be open and told my son about his differently wired brain some time ago and we mention it every now and then "no biggie" ....... us parents tend to over analyse stuff and make them bigger issues than they are. And in a way, knowing theyre a little different may help with the "feeling" theyre a little different. Who knows, but we got to go with our instincts I suppose. SRMM you have such supportive kids, well done you!!
ReplyDeleteMy ASD son's first obsession, at age two, was balloons. He loved them (especially mylar balloons shaped like balls--footballs, baseballs, basketballs, soccer balls--despite the fact that he has no interest in sports) so much it was scary. Trips to the grocery store were very stressful for both of us, what with all those expensive mylar balloons for sale all over the place. This was his most predictable meltdown zone--the floral/balloon dept. at the supermarket. He REALLY wanted those balloons. For his second birthday (and off and on for all that year, really), we got him a huge bunch of mylar balloons and he'd "play" with them for weeks, even after they'd deflated completely. Oh the photos I have! This is when we started to know he needed to be evaluated.
ReplyDeleteHe's seven now and we only recently told him about his Asperger's, using the book All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome. He loves cats, so this worked out great. After reading him the book I asked if he understood. He said yes. Then I asked him if he was glad to know he had AS. He said, "Yes, because I thought I might be crazy." Broke my heart. Should have told him earlier so he'd have had a better understand of what was going on in his head.
could your kids be ANY more amazing? I love how they all pitched in. What a testament to you as a mother. Awesome. Can you send your kids here for when my little guy figures it out?
ReplyDeleteMy son feels that the only good thing about balloons is that you can pop them. We haven't had this conversation yet, but I have been waiting for it.
ReplyDeleteNot quite the same, but I'm laughing that you posted this about your Little Dude today, because my post last night dealt with my 2 year old recognizing he had food allergies. Or more specifically letting ME know he realized he had food allergies.
ReplyDeleteIts amazing how much goes on underneath the hair on their head that we're not privy to. Love how his sisters showed him so much love and support. You guys are a great family!
I, too, have explained to my HFA son, that he has autism, and his brain functions differently. Told him when he was about 11, and he's nearly 16 now. HOWEVER, he figured out a way to use that against me...LOL "Sorry mom, I cant figure that out, you know, my brain is different" OH? Me:"Hey pal, your brain is DIFFERENT, not BROKEN" Checkmate!
ReplyDeleteIt was one of the hardest things to do to tell my son he has Aspergers. But, I'm glad I did-they must be told.
ReplyDeleteI've had the absolute honor to attend a seminar from Tony Atwood and I remembered what I learned from it when I had the "talk"!
I wouldn't trade my son in for anything.....
My son has Williams Syndrome. He's only 20 months now. Like you, we talk openly about WS but I often think about how we will address it with him (and his older "typical" brother) as he gets a little older. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteMine's 11.5 and his dx has gone from mild non-verbal PDD to mild NLD and he's never been told. We don't think it needs to be discussed. It doesn't make him "different". Meltdowns are not allowed "b/c we have autism and that's ok".
ReplyDeleteHe's expected to act properly, mind his mouth and his manners. He's expect to do his homework and he's never learned the word "can't".
We're very proud to have a child that we were told would always require care to one that is now an annoying 11.5, Gr 6, tween. Autism may be the reason his social skills are still a work in progress. Autism may be part of the reason for the anxiety and claustrophobia. But in our house autism "is" and it "is" what younger bro has... a disability that will require life long care... not what older bro has... quirks.
any books you mom would recommend to help with disclosure? My son is 7 years old. I have read the Tony Atwood "strengths and weaknesses" idea where you have an intervention and then go "congratulations, you have AS." Anyone done it like that? Best, Diana
ReplyDeleteSounds like Little Dude has two great big sisters. :)
ReplyDeleteMy granddaughter is on the spectrum and I am wondering when "the conversation" will happen. She is not Aspbergian but is verbal. I don't see that, at age five, she is able to have the conversation yet. I guess we'll know.
ReplyDeletebtw, I am so happy this went so well for your family!
ReplyDeleteok, so i'm new to your blog, but i am loving it! my son also has asperger syndrome but he DID ask us one day why he was different. i think he was about 1st or 2nd grade. so, even that young, he knew. he's now 12, and recently he said one of the most profound things i think i've ever heard anyone say. he asked me about a group he heard about on the news (because the news, at my house, is the shizz!) that was against 'curing' autism. i explained to him that there are groups that want to help their kids so much they will do anything to try and then there are groups of people who have autism who don't want that help. he's quiet for a few minutes and then says, "you know, as hard as this autism is, i wouldn't want anybody to take it away." wow. this kid knows who he is and embraces it fully! what more can ANY parent ask for?! thanks for the post!
ReplyDeleteBalloons terrified my little guy for the longest time and they still make him a bit nervous, though he's learned to enjoy playing with them. His dad explained the science of them so he'l much less nervous knowing when they're unlikely to pop.
ReplyDeleteHe figured his autism out very young. We talked pretty freely in front of him when we didn't realize he was paying attention.
Wow... The being afraid of the balloon is my little man!! He once stayed on the porch at a friends house because he didn't trust the other kids with the balloons!! (At the time I thought he was just being stubborn)
ReplyDeleteNone of my minions have autism, but they too have given me a taste of the balloon terror. When my 4-yr-old was a toddler, the sweet ladies at his daycare bought him a GIANT Eeyore balloon for his birthday, and (his car seat being rear-facing, and I having put said balloon in the rear of the SUV) he got to watch it bounce all the way home, sobbing in horror every time it got closer to him.... Funnnnn. The 1-yr-old twins are none to fond of the floaty goodness either, it would seem that a product that doesn't respect gravity has no place in their world order. :P
ReplyDeleteJust discovered your awesome blog a few weeks ago so in my free time (AKA, the time in which I should be cleaning the bathroom), I've been bouncing around through some of your old posts. Gotta say, I got all teary when I read what your daughters said in this one - how awesome are they!?
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