You know what's totally awesome? Me. On speed.
After six months of contemplating my evident ADHD, I finally got my shizzle together enough to go get formally diagnosed by an actual doctor. I started medication today and feel terrific. I don't feel wired or jittery, I just feel like a large cloud of static has been cleared out of my brain.
Granted, it was my first day on the med. Maybe tomorrow I'll develop headaches and bipolar symptoms and sleep disturbances.
But maybe not.
Maybe I'll have another day where I get a whole bunch of crap done. Today I paid bills and hung up coat hooks -- two tasks I had been procrastinating for too long. I also did six loads of laundry AND folded AND put away. I had to stop doing laundry (sadly, six loads did not complete the task) because I realized the utility sink had become clogged.
And then I emailed the property management company about the clogged sink. Immediately. Not four days later when we run out of clean clothes again.
You know what I didn't do today?
Go upstairs to get a load of laundry, get distracted by unpacked boxes, open a box, peer inside, decide I don't know where to put any of that stuff anyway, feel guilty about the unpacked boxes, do a half-assed job tidying one of the kids' rooms to assuage the guilt, realize I desperately need more coffee, come downstairs, avoid making eye contact with pile of mail on the kitchen counter, drink fourth cup of coffee, spill coffee on myself, remember to do laundry, go down to the basement, realize kitty litter needs to be changed or else I cannot spend a single second more in the basement, scoop out litter, throw out litter in outside trash can, scrub hands, realize I have to leave right now to pick up kids, remember laundry seven hours later when I'm lying in bed.
Yeah. And that's with me "self-medicating" with caffeine. It just occurred to me that maybe my "pregnancy brain" was just me off of coffee and Diet Coke.
The thing is, like most parents, I'm great at putting my kids' needs first. I make sure they get to their doctor's appointments and get the treatments they need. I kind of suck at taking care of myself, though. Why did it take me so long to get this ADHD diagnoed and start on some meds?
Well, sure, there's the whole ADHD thing itself. But I also need to look at the fact that I let my own mental health fall to the bottom of the priority list, and that's probably not going to make me the parent I want to be.
I can't even say that I finally went to the doctor because I was ready to take charge of my health. I went because my ridiculous caffeine intake is bringing back those painful breast cysts. I suspect I'm part camel, and my body stores excess Diet Coke in these cysts in case of drought. Anyway, when it hurts to put on a bra (and going braless is SO not an option), it's time to make a change.
Today I started taking generic Addreall, and I only had two cups of coffee and half a Diet Coke. Considering that, with few exceptions, I've been chain-drinking coffee and Diet Coke since I was thirteen, that's no small feat.
Good for you! That must be such a relief, not to mention make your life much more manageable. Hope the meds continue to work well for you and that static stays away!! :>
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I understand that forgetting to put our oxygen masks on first thing!
Amazing how many of us figure out that WE have ADD when our kids get diagnosed isn't it? And also, a disproportionate number of us are bloggers, too. Or so it seems to me. Any time I tweet about my ADD messing with me, I get a chorus of "me, too"s.
ReplyDeleteI'm just now at that unfortunate age where the cardiac worries with stimulant ADD meds outweigh the benefits, so I'm soldiering on without, and envying you medicated folks.
Hope it continues to go well.
Yay for taking care of yourself first...it sounds like you had a good day with more to come!
ReplyDeleteToday (and this weekend) is my time off so I can be more functional and less "yell-ie"...I will raise a glass to you!
Kudos to you! A healthy mama is a happy mama and "ain't nobody happy if mama's not happy".
ReplyDeleteI could have written this blog myself, it strikes so close to home, but I probably wouldn't have BECAUSE it strikes so close to home.
Hang in there. May you be remain focused and side-effect free. Now please excuse my, I have to go do the laundry, wander around forgetting what I am doing, check my email obsessively and forget what time it is.
ReplyDeleteThat paragraph about what you didn't do sounds just like me!!! Glad to hear that you're feeling better!!
ReplyDeleteSo yeah...about that whole response that I rallied my brain cells for and typed up on my phone this morning...gone. Thank you technology.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, thank you for, yet another, post about my life. My thing is, I've been diagnosed for over a year, but I haven't gotten around to the medication part yet. I had heard a story on NPR talking about how new studies are showing that ADHD manifests itself differently in females, and I knew. The next day, I talked to my therapist about getting an evaluation set up, and sure enough! I had been being treated for depression until that point.
The only problem was, my therapist couldn't prescribe, and the wait list to get seen by someone who could was a gazillion years long. My PC was my midwife, who also wasn't able to prescribe due to the category of drug. At the time, I was on a state health insurance plan, and because of the shortage of doctors, nobody was taking new MassHealth patients. Awesome.
Now that I'm married and on my husband's insurance, I've been dragging my feet about getting the medical records transferred. Oh, and now I'm pregnant. ADHD + pregnancy brain = a GRAND time, but I'm sure I don't need to tell you.
Anyway, I'm glad to hear that things are straightening out, and I hope they continue to go well.
Good for you! I have to make specific point to get myself to the doctor as well. Luckily for me, my doctor has known me since I was a teenager and won't let me slack off on my personal care (she will actually call me at night to follow up and make sure I am doing what I am supposed to be doing). Still, it is so hard to take Mom time. I hope the new meds continue to help.
ReplyDeleteIts amazing how a tiny little pill can make such a change. I knew I needed meds since high school. I was never diagnosed and just avoided the issue until I was 28 and decided to be a sahm. I think sah might be the hardest job for a Mom with add. I was beyond swamped, the house was a mess, I could never seem to get dinner made or keep the kids on a decent schedule. Enter generic Adderall... complete 180. I finally feel like I know how the rest of the world functions. I dont need to drag myself through the day and my house isnt kicking my butt anymore.
ReplyDeleteIm really glad you are trying this. Life sure feels better when you are in control of your own brain. :)
I recently got on ADD meds also and it's made a world of difference at work and at home. I know it makes me feel like a better mom because I don't constantly have #momfails anymore.
ReplyDeleteKuddos for getting diagnosed and medicated, hope you don't experience any negative side effects.
When I got on my ADD meds, I remember tearing up one day because it felt so good to be functional. So happy for you!
ReplyDeleteI was recently diagnosed with ADHD. It explains why every paper I ever did in grade school had "does not follow directions" on it! I do not fault anyone who goes on meds for ADHD, but I refuse to do it! It is really hard for me on a daily basis having 4 kids, 2 with autism, but really it would be hard for anyone. I just don't like the idea of drugs screwing around with my head. I am going to try the gfcf diet for myself and see if that helps :)
ReplyDeleteI think most moms tend to put their needs last. That's why I'm so grateful I have to go in for that dreaded yearly check up. The doctor I see does a whole physical and checks in with my mental health status as well. I have to go or I don't get more depo, and I NEED the depo. I too suspect I'm ADD, but I have some other issues going on that may be the cause, so I have to get those checked first.
ReplyDeleteOh thank you thank you for this post! I'm going to the doctor for a diagnosis (hopefully) next month after my therapist twisted my arm about finally taking my own health seriously. I'm like you - I chain-drink the coffee, my house is teetering plies of stuff disorganized stuff, and my head is filled with cotton more often than not. More like white static than cotton, actually. Through sheer force of will I manage to get through the day, but I recognize it could be so much better, and easier, if I treated my ADHD. Fingers crossed...
ReplyDeleteFinding out my husband has ADHD made a huge difference in our marriage - I'm really hoping he'll consider taking medication. But, at least I know that he's not always trying to irritate me, his brain just thinks differently than me.
ReplyDeleteHi, it's me, the "Debbie Downer" from Facebook. I laughed when I read that because I don't think anyone who knows me would ever call me that. Anyway, I'm really happy for you that you are feeling better and I hope that continues to be the case for you and so many of your readers who seem to be having long term success with stimulants.
ReplyDeleteI still feel compelled to leave a few words of caution. Not to discourage you from taking Adderall, but just to be aware of potential problems. I was so relieved to finally find a "cure" for my ADHD and the prospect of becoming "normal" was so desirable that I ignored all the "Debbie Downers" and even my own doctor's advice to watch out for signs of mania and other negative side effects.
I felt truly wonderful and comptetent at first. It's an understatement to say it was an emotional and life-changing moment in my life. I had some warning signs in the beginning but I ignored them and was in denial because I was just so happy. I didn't feel wired but I did start filling journals with pages of grandiose ideas. At the time I just saw them as my ideas finally coming in to focus. Reading them now is kind of painful because it is obvious I was more out of whack than pre-Adderall.
After a few years, I started having to up the dosage from 15mg to 25mg to get the same affect. I started to become short tempered and have difficulty sleeping. Eventually this turned in to bipolar like symptoms. I struggled with depression from time to time in my life especially in my first trimester of my pregnancies. Possibly I was just not a good candidate for Adderall. The side effects from taking this drug were so ugly in the end I feel it is a little too personal to go into detail. You might not have the same issues and hopefully you will have great success.
I am back to my old familiar fuzzy ADHD self now and my ADHD family soldiers along using diet, exercise and other tools to help us function. I am not the parent, wife, employee, citizen that I would dream to be, but I am healthier and happier than when I was on Adderall.
I didn't listen to people like myself when I so badly wanted Adderall to fix me. I'm not sure what I'm hoping for by sharing my story except to say that I was you once, and I sincerely wish for you to be careful. Part of putting on your own oxygen mask is also being honest with your motives and being cautious with powerful drugs. As women and mothers are we really "sick" from ADHD, or are we striving for perfection via performance enhancers? It's not easy even to write this when I know there will probably be defensive, mocking, or hostile backlash from your readers. A few years ago a post like this would have pissed me off, too, hehe. I went through something that I wouldn't wish on anyone else and I am still looking for safer, healthier, remedies.
Dear Debbie (LOL), No, I totally hear you. It's smart to be aware of the risks of medications -- and Adderall *is* a controlled substance, so it makes sense to be extra-cautious.
ReplyDeleteFor me, one of the biggest reasons I wanted to try the meds is to enable me to cut back (or possibly eliminate) my horrendous caffeine habit, which is causing some other health issues for me.
Thanks for your concern, and for sharing your experience.
I had a bad experience when I tried ADD meds and so went back off of them. I plan to try them again, just with a new dr. In the meantime, I drink a little coffee and take L-Tyrosine (an amino acid that helps your brain make dopamine) and try to exercise (in spite of my procrastinating tendencies).
ReplyDeleteIt helps, but those 2 days when the adderall, etc. worked were pretty cool.
My husband bought two of those bracelets they have on tv. The ones that help with your balance. Oddly, mine seems to be helping me focus.
UGH! I just wrote a beautiful, long comment, went to post it, and Blogger ate it! OMFG.
ReplyDeleteBasically the gist of my last comment was been through ALL the stimulants for my now 12 y/o Aspie. They'd work beautifully, but he'd go into nuclear meltdown when they wore off. I was on them, and they made me stupid (as in "I forgot my husband's name, and we've been living together for 5 years now!" stupid). My son took Strattera for YEARS, and it worked great. The combo of Strattera, Effexor XR and Clonodine (I THINK! I am horrible about confusing Clonodine and Klonopin) are a MAGIC MAGIC combo for me. I get so clear headed and can focus and DO stuff. But nobody will prescribe the combo for me, because apparently, Clonodine is addictive, and the VA hospital is very sticky about prescribing addictive drugs long term. Sucks to be me.
Kiddo is now taking Intuniv, and it's working well for him. It's another non-stimulant.
Me? I'm winging it, non-medicated, and self-medicating with copious amounts of coffee and Dr Pepper. And turning back into a huge, fat cow who weighs nearly 300 lbs (ok, so I'm only at 210 right now, but for someone who SHOULD only weigh 165? I'm HUGE!)
Interesting thoughts and ideas. This theme might be similar to other blogs but i think you have a unique design as well as unique content. Thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete