Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Day 8 Giveaway Winner: Tangiballs

Because who doesn't want scented balls?

Sorry.  Couldn't resist.

Anyway, the winner of the Tangiballs is ... Mandy G.!

Mandy, please email me at Mommy@starkravingmadmommy.com with your address!

If you didn't win and you're still looking for the perfect sensory play holiday present for the little ones in your life, you can go to my friend Allison's Discovery Toys site!

The Great Birthday Season Cometh

Despite the fact that I am up to my eyeballs in holiday planning, my kids are already looking beyond Christmas to the Great Birthday Season.  Between mid-January and early April of 2011, my kids will turn 5, 7, 10, and 10, all of which seems entirely impossible.  I mean, really.  How the hell did that happen?

Also: really?  We have to think about this now?  I don't even have the tree up.  Why, oh why, are we even having this conversation now?

I'll tell you why.  It's because planning birthday parties is a year-long activity here.  The kids rifle through the paper recycling bin to find those damn party catalogs that I try to hide.  They browse through them, dreamily listing the kinds of parties they would like to have some day.  Then they get revved up and start asking for parties at those play places -- you know, the ones that are like Habitrails but for kids -- and then I have to break it to them that for us to be able to afford a party at one of those places, they can choose one friend to invite.

So they go back to the birthday party catalog, and mumble to themselves about whether a bug-themed party could possibly include live bugs, as that would be so much more fun than just fake bugs.

The Peanut Butter Kid is turning seven in January.  She's still a girly-girl but seems to have had the Disney Princess obsession dragged out of her, which is delightful.  She's moved on to that whole skulls-with-big-pink-bows thing.  She desperately wants a party "out" -- but not at McDonald's or Chunky Cheese.  She wants an Olive Garden party.  Isn't that what every little girl dreams of?  Unlimited pasta?

Side note: I used to work with a woman who consistently pronounced Chuck E. Cheese as "Chunky Cheese."  I never knew if she was making a joke or if she really thought the place was called Chunky Cheese, but either way it sounds even more disgusting than the actual Chuck E. Cheese, and I didn't think that was possible.  All the reasons I hate Chunky Cheese have already been summed up by Lydia of Rants from Mommyland, so I don't think I need to get into it here. I'd kind of like to give the Peanut Butter Kid an Olive Garden party just to celebrate the fact that she didn't ask for Chunky Cheese.

My older girls, Cookie and the Pork Lo Maniac, are twins turning ten.  Their big decision this year is whether they will have separate parties for the first time. They have always had essentially the same friends, so it's not a matter of that.  It's a matter of possibly wanting one's own moment in the sun birthday-cake-candlelight.  We have always had two cakes, always sung the birthday song twice. I've done invitations that have one girl's name on one side and the other girl's name on the other side.

I told them they could have separate parties if they want to; after all, turning ten is a big deal.  Double-digits and all that.

Telling them they could have separate parties actually seems to have made them somewhat less interested in actually having separate parties.  Now they are debating the option of doing a dual-themed party, possibly with masking tape running down the middle of the house à la Les Nessman.  They haven't gotten as far as deciding what those two themes might be.  If I had to make a bet, one side of the table will be decorating cookies and the other side will be scarfing down Chinese food, but that's just my guess.

This brings us to Little Dude, who is turning five in March. I'm hoping we'll be having a thank-God-he's-finally-potty-trained party, but we'll leave my wishes aside for the moment.  Little Dude is having a hard time deciding what kind of party he would want, because there are so many things he loves.  He's got it narrowed down to a Lego-Bacon-Pirate party.

Which is, in fact, the most awesome party theme I have ever heard of.

p.s. Don't forget that we're still accepting nominations for the Top Ten Douchebags of 2010.  There are some great suggestions coming in, including some names I had tried to block out of my head.

Giveaway 9: Funky Junk Recycling Jewelry

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Today's giveaway is from Funky Junk Recycling!  We're giving away the Diet Coke necklace I featured as a graphic in a post a while back.

The artist who makes these bits of green awesome is Christine, who happens to work with special needs kids, including kids on the spectrum.

To enter to win, leave a comment on this post and tell me what your favorite carbonated beverage is.  Because I'm nosy like that.

Also?  You should totally check out Funky Junk Recycling on Etsy. Not a Diet Cokehead?  Not to worry.  Her stuff features all kinds of other carbonated vices.  You know what's adorable?  An Orange Crush can recycled into a Hello Kitty necklace.  You have to see it to believe it.  You can check it out at http://www.etsy.com/shop/FunkyRecycling.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Days 6 and 7 Giveaway Winners!

There's so much awesome going on here, I can barely keep up with it.  It seems I forgot to announce the winner of the Day 6 Giveaway -- Luxury Lane Soaps!

The winner of the Luxury Lane Soap is ... C.M.  I'm guessing that stands for Crazy Mama, if she's one of my readers.  Hopefully the Chill Pill soap will help her out.  C.M., please email me at Mommy@starkravingmadmommy.com with your mailing address, so I can send you your soap!

Don't forget, you can order all kinds of affordable awesomeness for yourself from Luxury Lane.  Just hit their website, www.luxurylanesoap.com/

Moving on to Day 7 ... the winner of the custom Scrabble ornament by Laura Plum is ... Deedee!  Deedee, please email me at Mommy@starkravingmadmommy.com so I can put you in touch with the Etsy crafter!

There's still time to order your own custom Scrabble tile ornament from Laura Plum at her Etsy shop!

2010's Top Ten Douchebags: You Decide!

Thanksgiving is over and now begins the most wonderful time of the year ... rehashing the news stories from 2010.  People has its Sexiest People of the Year; Time will announce its Person of the Year.

It seems to me that the mainstream media leaves out a major category: Biggest Douchebag of the Year.  Mom-in-a-Million and I have a fun idea:  leave us your nominations in the comments part of this blog post up until Saturday night.  We'll whittle down the nominations to a Top 20, and open up a poll for voting the following week.  The winners will be featured in our Top Ten Douchebags of 2010 list, complete with douchetastic profiles by me and Rebekah from Mom-in-a-Million.

It shouldn't be hard to come up with the nominations: there were douchebags a-plenty this year.  In the entertainment world, Mel Gibson comes to mind immediately, as does the patriarch of the Sister Wives clan, Kody Brown.  The sports world was chock-full of douchebaggery: Brett Favre sexting pictures of his junk; Tony Parker cheating on Eva Longoria (really?  was she not pretty enough?); and a large portion of the New York Jets sexually harassing a reporter.

As much as I'd like to keep politics out of the blog, I am compelled to mention that Sharron Angle, a candidate for Senate from Nevada, railed against insurance coverage for maternity care and autism.  She also put air quotes around the word autism, as if we're all making this stuff up.  Lady, I couldn't make this up if I tried.  Happily, the people of Nevada remembered this when she was looking for "votes" in November.

Which just goes to show you that douchebaggery is not a gender-specific thing.  But there are questions that linger.  Does being a fame whore make you a douchebag?  Should Dina Lohan be included in our list?  Everyone who has ever been on a Real Housewives show?

Speaking of fame whores, it would seem that Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino would have a lock on being somewhere in the Top Ten Douchebags of 2010.  I mean, really:

My guess is the tough part is going to be whittling it down to only ten eventually.  So, our mission is clear.  In the comments, give us your nomination(s) for The Biggest Douchebags of 2010.

Giveaway 8: Tangiballs

[Note: Comments and contest are now closed.]

Today's giveaway is two Tangiballs by Discovery Toys. I should note that the giveaway is actually from an independent rep I happen to know, not the corporation itself, so if you're interested, be sure to throw a mama some business by going to her site here.

We have used these in occupational therapy with Little Dude from an early age, because they offer so much in the way of sensory play.  All four of my kids adore them. They are scented (yum), and highly textured -- great for combining sensory play with both fine and gross motor skill activities.

This giveaway is two Tangiballs -- the smaller vanilla-scented blue one, and the larger strawberry-scented red one.

To enter to win, leave a comment at the end of this post.  If you just can't wait to order your own, go to Allison's Discovery Toys site.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Giveaway 7: Scrabble Ornaments

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One of my secret geeky vices is Scrabble.  I am addicted, competitive, and generally ridiculous when it comes to Scrabble.  I come from a family that played Scrabble for money.  So these cute ornaments speak to me.

Today's giveaway is from Etsy crafter Laura Plum.  She makes these ornaments with any word you want.  I'm totally getting one that says FANCY for Kate of Rants from Mommyland, and one that says HOOKER for Lydia.  Or maybe BOOBSTAIN.  The options are endless, really.

To enter to win a custom scrabble tile ornament, leave a comment at the end of this post!  To go ahead and order your own ornaments, check out Laura Plum's site on Etsy.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Day 5 Giveaway Winner (Frantic Meerkat Magnets)

 The winner of the stabbity doll magnets by Frantic Meerkat is ... Cindy Seidel!

Cindy, please email me at Mommy@starkravingmadmommy.com with your address, so I can forward your info to Frantic Meerkat!

For everyone else ... you can get your very own stabbity magnets and other awesome originally designed magnets and cards (including holiday cards) at www.franticmeerkat.com!

Giveaway 6: Luxury Lane Soaps

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The idea for 12 Days of Awesome came to me around the time I stumbled onto this Etsy shop.  In my book, anyone who can make soaps that look like Legos or Han Solo in carbonite needs be to celebrated and cherished.

While Pfizer is still failing to make me some Xanax toothpaste, and Celestial Seasonings has not yet produced Ambien Tea, Luxury Lane Soaps is totally coming through for me.  These Chill Pill soaps, infused with lavender, vanilla, and sandalwood, might actually help me to stop spazzing out for a few minutes.

These make a great gift for your favorite stressed-out coworker, teacher, spouse, etc., or really for anyone in my family, since we all seem to need what my sister lovingly refers to as "Calm the F--k Down Pills."

To enter to win a jar of Chill Pill Soap by Luxury Lane Soaps, leave a comment at the end of this post.  If you just can't wait to order your own, or if you have someone in your life who desperately needs soap in the shape of Boba Fett, or glow-in-the-dark soap shaped like a dinosaur, or soap shaped like fortune cookies, you need to go directly to www.luxurylanesoap.com.  

Friday, November 26, 2010

Day 4 Giveaway Winner (SRMM mug & coffee)

Hoo-boy I'm running late announcing this winner.  Sorry about that.  It might have something to do with wine and/or Black Friday.

Anyway, the winner of the stark. raving. mad. mug and Ghirardelli coffee is ... Razorback_Mommy!

Razorback_Mommy, please email me at Mommy@starkravingmadmommy.com with your address, so I can send you some awesomeness in the mail!

Be sure to check in tomorrow for the winner of today's giveaway, and Day 6 of the 12 Days of Awesome.  We'll be giving away something from Luxury Lane Soap.

Giveaway 5: Stabbity Doll Magnets by Frantic Meerkat

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Frantic Meerkat makes all kinds of awesomeness, but one of the things she makes is magnets with her original creepy baby doll photos. And what's more festive than a creepy-ass Stabbity Babydoll peeking out of your Christmas stocking? You can check her out at www.FranticMeerkat.com or on Etsy.

To enter to win a set of stabbity magnets, leave a comment at the end of this post!  And be sure to check out more awesomeness at Frantic Meerkat.  They're even offering free U.S. and Canadian shipping now through November 30, 2010.

p.s. Don't forget the other awesome artists that have already given away awesomeness during the 12 Days of Awesome ...handmade dolls by Sugar and Spice, geektastic jewelry by Gr0glmann Designs, and perfectly-designed Special Needs products by Bloom and Grow.  Supporting small business is infinitely more awesome than getting up at 3 a.m. to battle the stampeding hordes at Walmart.  Happy Black Friday!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Day 3 Giveaway Winner! (Bloom and Grow)

The winner of the Bloom and Grow Shower Assistant is Jennifer (commenter #26).  Comment numbers are drawn at random using www.random.org.

Jennifer, please email me at Mommy@starkravingmadmommy.com with your address so I can get it out in the mail to you!

This product is seriously genius for those of us with kids on the spectrum.  It will be an integral part of the process for teaching our son independence, but my neurotypical kids are already loving it.  I love the two moms (both with kids on the spectrum) who designed it.  So simple and you so brilliantly designed.  Even the bottles and dispensing tops were selected with fine motor skill delays in mind.

Besides the cool Shower Assistant, Bloom and Grow has other tools to keep you organized and help your kids help themselves, like and IEP Organizer and a Visual Schedule Assistant.  You can check them out at www.bloom-and-grow.com

Top 10 Things I'm Thankful For

Yes, I am grateful for the obvious: my family is healthy, we have a roof over our heads and we have enough food to eat.  But there is so much more for which to be thankful.

Top Ten Things I'm Thankful For

10. I am thankful that my husband doesn't care what I make for dinner.  If it is there, he will eat it.  It's one of the many, many things I adore about him.  He is the least picky eater on the planet.  When he walks in from work, I could seriously tell him that there's some Easy Mac and a stale peanut butter sandwich ready for him, and he'd be like, "oooh, great!"  And it would not be sarcastic.  I have some friends with those husbands who "don't eat leftovers," and I'm telling you, those men would be some very hungry mo-fos in my house.

9.I am thankful for psychopharmacology.  A special shout-out to the good people who make psych meds in generic.  Thanks!  I heart you so hard.

8. I am thankful for coffee.  Yes, despite my lumptastic fibrocystic situation, I am still taking in some caffeine.  I have cut way back, but I'm still relishing my morning cup of meth java.  It's half-caf now, but I still love it.

7. I am thankful for television.  There.  I said it. I love television.  It is a magical box o' happiness.  And now that I have DVR I am livin' the dream. To those parents who insist that their children never watch a millisecond of television's corrupting evil SpongeBob, I say, good for you.  I also say, does that mean you never watch Dancing with the Stars?

6. I am thankful for central air conditioning.  This is the first home we've had with central air, and it's delicious.  I have no idea how people lived in the Houston area before air conditioning, but I think all those high noon shoot-outs in the Wild West may have been related to the constant sweating.

5. I am thankful for my smokin' hot ride, also known as the minivan.  Having had my share of clunkers in the past, I appreciate the simple joy of hearing the van start up every time I turn the key.  Except for that one time I tried to start it with the keys to the other car.  The van may have a fine interior coating of crumbs, empty juice boxes, and McToys, but it's comfy and gets us where we need to go. Also it has air conditioning.

4. I am thankful that my autistic son's obsession is Lego Star Wars, which our whole family enjoys.  It would be way more difficult if it was something that didn't interest the other kids.  I mean, Temple Grandin's thing is cow slaughterhouses.  Not nearly as many hours of family fun as Legos.

3.  I am thankful for the people who take the time to read this blog, leave comments, and send me emails.  This blog has saved my sanity (or what's left of it) over the last six months.  This month, for the first time, I had over 100,000 hits on stark. raving. mad. mommy.  I continue to be astonished that people want to read my nonsense every day.  I know you have precious little spare time, and I am grateful you spend a little slice of that time with me.

2. I am thankful for my friends in real life and on the Interwebz who get me, make me laugh, and forgive me when I inevitably jam my foot in my mouth.

1. I am thankful for my whacktacular extended and nuclear family, warts and all.  They are brilliant, inspiring, and make me laugh out loud on even the worst of days.

Have a great Thanksgiving!  What are you thankful for?

Giveaway 4: SRMM Mug & Ghirardelli Coffee

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Today is Day 4 of the 12 Days of Awesome, and because I'm so thankful for y'all, the giveaway is a large stark. raving. mad. mug, plus a selection of mini-sized bags of Ghirardelli coffees.  It will be just like having me there stumbling around in the kitchen with you.

To enter to win this giveaway, leave a comment at the end of this post.  The winning comment will be selected at random tomorrow morning using www.random.org.

If you haven't already, please "like" me on Facebook, because it will make it easier for me to stalk you let you know you won!

Thank you so much for reading my nonsense.  Have a great Thanksgiving.

stark. raving. mad. mommy.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

100,000 Hits

Um, you guys?  For the first time ever, stark. raving. mad. mommy. just went over 100,000 "hits" for the month.

I am surprised like Taylor Swift being pranked by Ellen Degeneres.  Except I didn't fall down because my cowboy boots don't have heels as high as Taylor Swift's.

It's possible that there is something really wrong with me that I think this video is so funny.  If you watch it over and over, it gets even funnier because you notice how hard Ellen is laughing.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you.  Thank you for taking the time to read my nonsense every day, for sharing your experiences, for leaving comments and for sending me emails.

You are amazing, and inspire me every day to be a better writer and a better mom.  I am grateful.

Day 2 Giveaway Winner! (LEGO Jewelry)

The winner of yesterday's give-away of the awesomely geektastic jewelry by Gr0glmann is ... Domestic Goddess.   Domestic Goddess, please email me at Mommy@starkravingmadmommy.com with your address, and possibly an actual name.

The comment was drawn at random using www.random.org.

Sad you didn't win?  You can buy your own at Gr0glmann's Etsy shop!  Below is a photo of my new favorite piece of jewelry.  Seriously, that's a lot of awesome for $6.99.

Giveaway 3: Bloom and Grow

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I wrote a post once, way back when, called Good Clean Fun. Not Really. which was about bath time. I don't know about your house, but over here bath time does not ever look like one of those cute Johnson & Johnson ads where the kids are happy and the mom is all tidy and the bathroom is all Better Homes and Gardens-y.

Over here, it's more like the kids are hollering, I'm sweating, and the bathroom is ... well, not ready for a photo shoot. The older girls are pretty self-sufficient in the shower, except one of them keeps forgetting to shampoo the top of her head.

Bloom and Grow is giving away an adorable Shower Assistant. This was designed by two moms of children on the spectrum to help special needs kiddos learn to be more independent in the bath. The set includes three bottles that are numbered, labeled, and illustrated for face, hair, and body.  It also includes the basket and a pouf.  (You fill the bottles with your favorite products at home.)  It's kind of like Social Stories but for bath time: it helps them visually organize the steps.  And seriously? Even my "neurotypical" kids can't seem to figure out which one is the shampoo and which one is the body wash, so the clear labels and simple drawings are a big win.

Bloom and Grow gave me one to try it out, and my kids loooove it. It really does help my NT kids remember which product does what, and Little Dude was inspired by the bottles' artwork to wash his own hair, which is a huge step. I'm hoping that if we work with Little Dude now on this, it will become part of his all-too-important routine, so that he'll be able to be independent with hygiene later.

Bloom and Grow has lots of great ideas for special needs parents, plus some other products they've designed to help parents of special needs kids, including an IEP organizer and a visual schedule assistant. You can check them out at www.bloom-and-grow.com.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Day 1 Giveaway Winner!

And the winner of Sugar and Spice handmade ragdoll is ... bovinesituation!  

bovinesituation, please email me at Mommy@starkravingmadmommy.com.

The comment number was drawn at random using www.random.org.

Sad you didn't win?  There will be more chances to win awesomeness over the next several days.  For example, right now you can enter to win some geektastic jewelry by clicking here!  And don't forget, you can always shop at Sugar and Spice on Etsy.

Thank you so much to Christine from Sugar and Spice for providing the give-away!  Your work is beautiful.

Giveaway 1: Sugar and Spice Handmade Doll

[NOTE: Comments and contest are closed.]

OMGOMGOMGOMG it's Day 1 of the 12 Days of Awesome!  I'm about ready to pee with the excitement of what's going to happen for the next 12 days.  Because who doesn't love free stuff?  Crazy people.  That's who doesn't love free stuff.

And you?  Are not crazy.  Well, maybe a little.  In a fun way.  Okay, fine, you're as stark raving mad as I am.  And I appreciate that you make me feel like less of a freak.  I'm thrilled to be able to give away a bunch of awesomeness to say thank you.

Sugar and Spice  is giving away one gorgeous, handmade, totally non-stabbity doll.  The lucky winner will even get to choose her own.

To enter to win a handmade doll from Sugar and Spice, leave a comment at the end of this post!

Christine, a longtime SRMM reader, is the mother of a little girl with autism.  She makes dolls in all different skin tones, because autism does not discriminate. She also makes tree toppers and other dolls in a variety of dress patterns, as well as boy dolls.

Plus?  She has her own blog will tons and tons of gluten-free recipes.  You can check out her Etsy shop here and her blog here.

I know.  So cute.  And so non-stabbity. You should totally go check out her Etsy site so you can decide which one you would pick if you win.   To enter to win a handmade doll from Sugar and Spice, leave a comment here!   Winner will be announced tomorrow morning, November 23.

Giveaway 2: Gr0glmann's Fun Retro Jewelry

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It's Day 2 of the 12 Days of Awesome!  Today's give-away is from Gr0glmann's Fun Retro Jewelry, one of my new Etsy obsessions.  Seriously, I already ordered a bunch of Christmas presents from this guy.  Also, profits go directly toward Gr0glmann's college tuition, so you can feel good about helping some geektastic artist get his degree.

Today's prize is one two three awesome pieces of jewelry by Gr0glmann: a purple LEGO brick adjustable ring, a red LEGO Star Wars light saber pendant necklace, and a pair of lime green LEGO stud earrings.

This stuff seriously embodies geek chic.  I have been rockin' my LEGO ring for the last week and getting tons of compliments.  I'm referring to it as my autism awareness ring, because every time I look at it, it makes me think of my Lego-obsessed little Aspie, and I smile.

To enter to win the three pieces of jewelry, leave a comment at the end of this post.  The winner will be drawn at random and announced tomorrow morning!

Check out the many affordable designs at Gr0glmann's Etsy shop.

Sister Wives Honeymoon Travesty

Rebekah from Mom-In-A-Million and I like to watch television together.  Of course, we're together online, but still, it seems social.  Plus, if we watch stupid reality shows like Sister Wives and then blog about it, it's less of a vice and more of a professional responsibility.

Our fave show to watch together is Sister Wives.  (Although with Bridalplasty premiering next Sunday, there's a possibility that could change.)

While we watch, we Facebook message thoughtful criticism snark  to each other.  Here's Sunday night's sagacity.  Part One is here on my blog, and Part Two is on Rebekah's blog.

Part One

MIAM: Just turned to TLC. Sarah Palin is better on mute. I wonder when she'll get her first face lift. It's starting! Where are you? OH lord, is Kody going to make sex jokes?

SRMM: Sorry!

MIAM: Yay! You're here! Are you wearing purple too? Like all the wives? I'm wearing purple socks so I'd fit in.

SRMM: In fact, yes, I'm wearing a purple t-shirt.

MIAM: Oooo, all the wives are upset that Robyn gets a longer honeymoon! They're not considering that being alone with Kody for 11 days might actually be torture under the Geneva conventions.

SRMM: The Absent-Minded Professor is going to go sit with Little Dude. I'm all yours. What did I miss? I saw the purple, and then a short clip of Kody without a shirt. Ewww.

MIAM: Little Dude isn't into Sister Wives? I can't imagine why 4 year old boys wouldn't like this human drama.

SRMM: I'm sure he would be, if it was like, Lego Wives or something. But he needs to be in bed.

MIAM: Here’s your recap: Kody and Robyn are in San Diego. They didn't do it before marriage. All of them are bonded for eternity. Lego Wives will be the next reality show.

SRMM: One of my readers said she's going to drink every time Kody runs his hands through his hair or does a hair flip.

MIAM: She’s going to be sooooo hungover.

SRMM: I know. I think she said something about expecting to hug the porcelain god.

MIAM: I'm actually suffering through this sober because I'm on a diet.

SRMM: I'm sober because I'm out of vodka.

MIAM: Tragic.

SRMM: True. Apparently in Texas you can buy beer at Target, but no liquor on Sundays.

MIAM: In California you can buy Jack Daniels at Rite-Aid. That's why I loved it there so much.

SRMM: Yeah. In Florida the CVS has a wine aisle.

MIAM: Kody’s hair looks longer.

SRMM: Oh. My. Gahd. Did he just say it's time for him to learn how to surf?

MIAM: His Valley accent sucks. EWWWWW They're making out! Make it stop!

SRMM: He's flexing. Make THAT stop.

MIAM: Ooo, the surf shop guy has awesome dreads. Maybe Kody will do dreads next. Shirt off. Blech!

SRMM: Sweet. The other wives gave Robyn a Kody Survival Kit. I assume it contains tranquilizers.

MIAM: They had to warn her that he flexes in front of the mirror. He flexes in front of the mirror? What adult does that? I would need phsychotropic drugs in a survival kit.

SRMM: I like how they make the music all sad when they show the other three wives at home.

MIAM: You'd think they'd be celebrating 11 whole days without having to share their styling products. Bonus: no flexing.

SRMM: I don't think I needed to see him in a wetsuit.

MIAM: Back to the left-behind wives and their picnic plans! Yeah, what do you bet they've never done a picnic in the woods before this? So made for tv.

SRMM: The flashing back and forth between home and honeymoon is making me dizzy. Cranky wives! Happy wife! Cranky wives! Happy wife!

MIAM: I keep waiting for Kody to cop a feel on the couch scenes the way his hand is dangling over Robyn’s shoulder. AHHHHH! He’s lifting Robyn with his head near her waist! Put her down! Suggestive action! The Kody-cavorting is going to give me nightmares.

SRMM: It's so weird how he's so happy to finally be married! Uh... hasn't he been married for 20 years already?

MIAM: But every marriage is different. And he's going to keep trying new marriages to prove it.

SRMM: And yet, it's going to be pretty much the same for the four women. Because they're all married to the same douchebag.

MIAM: There's an ad for cheese on. Now I want cheese.

SRMM: I want Cheetos.

MIAM: Kody and Robyn are headed to the Wild Animal Park! I love that place. I'm sure Kody will ruin it for me.

SRMM: Now they're at the Wild Animal Park. Is this episode being sponsored by the San Diego Tourism Bureau?

MIAM: If he slips her the tongue on camera I will need therapy. Rhinos are polygamists. How profound.

SRMM: "The Animal Kingdom is very polygamist."

MIAM: Kody is talking about periods. Kill me.

SRMM: I can't kill you. I'm busy vomiting. Aaaand back to the picnic. They all look so miserable.

MIAM: Oh yay! Picnic in Utah! This part should be vomit free.

SRMM: They're cold and wet and all the teenagers are being sarcastic. Good times, good times.

MIAM: Oh shit. We're back to Kody with his hand on Robyn's ass.

SRMM: He just said, "I've got four wives. Nothing scares me."

MIAM: Douche.

SRMM: Dude, really? Because your hair scares the crap out of me.

MIAM: I'm afraid of getting upwind of him. He might scent me on the air like a rhino and try to marry me. Awww baby elephant!

SRMM: I like how they show us the cute wild animals to offset the douchiness of Kody. Do you think Kody smells like vinegar?

{What does Kody smell like? Will other bloggers weigh in on this important discussion? Will MIAM compare Kody to a condom? Hop on over to Mom-in-a-Million to read the rest of our scintillating discussion!}
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