Sister Wives Honeymoon Travesty

Rebekah from Mom-In-A-Million and I like to watch television together.  Of course, we're together online, but still, it seems social.  Plus, if we watch stupid reality shows like Sister Wives and then blog about it, it's less of a vice and more of a professional responsibility.

Our fave show to watch together is Sister Wives.  (Although with Bridalplasty premiering next Sunday, there's a possibility that could change.)

While we watch, we Facebook message thoughtful criticism snark  to each other.  Here's Sunday night's sagacity.  Part One is here on my blog, and Part Two is on Rebekah's blog.

Part One

MIAM: Just turned to TLC. Sarah Palin is better on mute. I wonder when she'll get her first face lift. It's starting! Where are you? OH lord, is Kody going to make sex jokes?

SRMM: Sorry!

MIAM: Yay! You're here! Are you wearing purple too? Like all the wives? I'm wearing purple socks so I'd fit in.

SRMM: In fact, yes, I'm wearing a purple t-shirt.

MIAM: Oooo, all the wives are upset that Robyn gets a longer honeymoon! They're not considering that being alone with Kody for 11 days might actually be torture under the Geneva conventions.

SRMM: The Absent-Minded Professor is going to go sit with Little Dude. I'm all yours. What did I miss? I saw the purple, and then a short clip of Kody without a shirt. Ewww.

MIAM: Little Dude isn't into Sister Wives? I can't imagine why 4 year old boys wouldn't like this human drama.

SRMM: I'm sure he would be, if it was like, Lego Wives or something. But he needs to be in bed.

MIAM: Here’s your recap: Kody and Robyn are in San Diego. They didn't do it before marriage. All of them are bonded for eternity. Lego Wives will be the next reality show.

SRMM: One of my readers said she's going to drink every time Kody runs his hands through his hair or does a hair flip.

MIAM: She’s going to be sooooo hungover.

SRMM: I know. I think she said something about expecting to hug the porcelain god.

MIAM: I'm actually suffering through this sober because I'm on a diet.

SRMM: I'm sober because I'm out of vodka.

MIAM: Tragic.

SRMM: True. Apparently in Texas you can buy beer at Target, but no liquor on Sundays.

MIAM: In California you can buy Jack Daniels at Rite-Aid. That's why I loved it there so much.

SRMM: Yeah. In Florida the CVS has a wine aisle.

MIAM: Kody’s hair looks longer.

SRMM: Oh. My. Gahd. Did he just say it's time for him to learn how to surf?

MIAM: His Valley accent sucks. EWWWWW They're making out! Make it stop!

SRMM: He's flexing. Make THAT stop.

MIAM: Ooo, the surf shop guy has awesome dreads. Maybe Kody will do dreads next. Shirt off. Blech!

SRMM: Sweet. The other wives gave Robyn a Kody Survival Kit. I assume it contains tranquilizers.

MIAM: They had to warn her that he flexes in front of the mirror. He flexes in front of the mirror? What adult does that? I would need phsychotropic drugs in a survival kit.

SRMM: I like how they make the music all sad when they show the other three wives at home.

MIAM: You'd think they'd be celebrating 11 whole days without having to share their styling products. Bonus: no flexing.

SRMM: I don't think I needed to see him in a wetsuit.

MIAM: Back to the left-behind wives and their picnic plans! Yeah, what do you bet they've never done a picnic in the woods before this? So made for tv.

SRMM: The flashing back and forth between home and honeymoon is making me dizzy. Cranky wives! Happy wife! Cranky wives! Happy wife!

MIAM: I keep waiting for Kody to cop a feel on the couch scenes the way his hand is dangling over Robyn’s shoulder. AHHHHH! He’s lifting Robyn with his head near her waist! Put her down! Suggestive action! The Kody-cavorting is going to give me nightmares.

SRMM: It's so weird how he's so happy to finally be married! Uh... hasn't he been married for 20 years already?

MIAM: But every marriage is different. And he's going to keep trying new marriages to prove it.

SRMM: And yet, it's going to be pretty much the same for the four women. Because they're all married to the same douchebag.

MIAM: There's an ad for cheese on. Now I want cheese.

SRMM: I want Cheetos.

MIAM: Kody and Robyn are headed to the Wild Animal Park! I love that place. I'm sure Kody will ruin it for me.

SRMM: Now they're at the Wild Animal Park. Is this episode being sponsored by the San Diego Tourism Bureau?

MIAM: If he slips her the tongue on camera I will need therapy. Rhinos are polygamists. How profound.

SRMM: "The Animal Kingdom is very polygamist."

MIAM: Kody is talking about periods. Kill me.

SRMM: I can't kill you. I'm busy vomiting. Aaaand back to the picnic. They all look so miserable.

MIAM: Oh yay! Picnic in Utah! This part should be vomit free.

SRMM: They're cold and wet and all the teenagers are being sarcastic. Good times, good times.

MIAM: Oh shit. We're back to Kody with his hand on Robyn's ass.

SRMM: He just said, "I've got four wives. Nothing scares me."

MIAM: Douche.

SRMM: Dude, really? Because your hair scares the crap out of me.

MIAM: I'm afraid of getting upwind of him. He might scent me on the air like a rhino and try to marry me. Awww baby elephant!

SRMM: I like how they show us the cute wild animals to offset the douchiness of Kody. Do you think Kody smells like vinegar?

{What does Kody smell like? Will other bloggers weigh in on this important discussion? Will MIAM compare Kody to a condom? Hop on over to Mom-in-a-Million to read the rest of our scintillating discussion!}