She said this in front of two of my children, one of whom was Little Dude.
Background: The morning transition has been an ongoing issue for us. Mornings can be challenging for most four-year-olds, but the transition from home to school is often especially difficult for children with Asperger Syndrome. Therefore, the school and I have a deal that I can walk him in, and hand him off only to a member of his team. This other para is not part of the preschool team.
Obviously, I put my writing skills to use in composing a nastygram to the school. I wanted to share my experience in this field, so I put together:
Top 10 Do's and Don'ts
for Writing a Productive Yet Scathing Letter to Your School
1.
DO emphasize the need for continuity of care for kids on the spectrum.
DON'T emphasize the need to send the staff to Bonkersville Institute for evaluation.
2.
DO refer to regulations such as HIPAA, FERPA, and IEP confidentiality guidelines.
DON'T carbon copy in the local TV news if you're making privacy an issue.
3.
DO ask how the school plans to ensure that the situation will improve.
DON'T threaten to burn down the school if your requests are not met.
4.
DO list specific details of problems that have occurred.
DON'T list specific details of what you didn't like about the paraprofessional's outfit that day.
5.
DO quote from your child's IEP, if appropriate.
DON'T quote from Chuck Norris movies.
6.
DO use phrases like "actions were inappropriate and unprofessional" or "not in accordance with 504 Plan."
DON'T use words like "stabbity" or "wood chipper."
7.
DO suggest positive solutions and share your good ideas.
DON'T suggest that they will find Stabbity Nana Doll quietly lurking in unexpected locations, like the teacher's supply closet.
8.
DO type your letter for a more professional appearance.
DON'T type your letter using a totally whacked-out font.
9.
DO remember that the goal is to create a positive education environment for your child.
DON'T forget to sarcastically quote the school district's mission of "extraordinary leadership."
10.
DO write your letter when you are calm and collected.
DON'T write your letter when you are freaking out and/or have had two full pots of coffee.
Special thanks to Amy at Pregnant Chicken for the stabbity font!
I'm so angry for you. That lady sucks and I hope she gets told off for her abnoxious behavior.
ReplyDeleteTotally uncalled for! Hopefully that won't happen again. That aside, I sometimes feel that I have worse transition issues than my daughter. She graduated out of ABA over the summer, and it looks like the school district is going to start fading out her behaviorist at school. Everyone is telling us she's doing great--including her general ed teacher who has NOTHING to gain from losing the behaviorist. Yet, we're having a hard time letting go of all this.
ReplyDeleteI'm seriously still in utter shock over that little, eh-hem, incident. I honestly don't know what I would have done if I had been in your shoes. For reals. Kudos for not losing your schmidt, in front of the kids and at the school.
ReplyDeleteDUDE. I have been there more times than I can count, with the letter-writing, but holy crap. If anyone associated with my kid's school had ever said ANYTHING like that to me, with my kids right there, I fear he or she would be having my shoe surgically removed from his or her thorax right about now.
ReplyDeleteThe worst we ever had was some clueless idiot from one of those "learning centers" blaming DH for the fact that the girl child couldn't spell (chronicled here: http://badgermeetsworld.blogspot.com/2007/07/breaking-girl.html), but since we had no obligation to said learning center and thus no interest in maintaining a relationship with them for our kid's sake, we were able to just walk out and never look back.
Wow- my own blood is boiling because of that incident you endured. People really don't understand, UNLESS they are part of the team- it's no one's place to be stepping in like that- AGGRAVATING!!
ReplyDeleteAnd I have to tell you this made me LOL a bit- I think I may have done a few of the "Don'ts"- okay maybe I only dreamed of it- I linked it on my facebook page- too good not to share :)
OT, but I'm totally impressed with the graphics you create for your posts - you do them so quickly and they are really funny.
ReplyDeleteAwesome post. Crappy day yesterday. That aide is damn lucky you didn't just happen to have an ice pick in your hand when she said that.
ReplyDeleteAnd also? I WANT that font. I um. may need it sometime soon if my son's bus situations doesn't improve (really? an hour and a half ride for a 20 minute distance, really?)
@Meerkat -- Thanks! I made myself giggle with the Stabbity Nana Doll peeking out of the supply cabinet.
ReplyDeleteWow...that paraprofessional needs a lesson in manners! It's bad enough when you encounter that kind of ignorance when you are out and about, but when you get the same crap from people who are supposed educated it's even worse.
ReplyDeleteapply the same advice to meetings. Climbing across the table banging your fist in front of the VIP bullying you gets you nowhere. Making them seem like the genius educators and you are oh so grateful for their time, while you choreograph the entire meeting with subtle suggestions is brilliant. And works. or has for me for 10 years.
ReplyDeleteneed to know the outcome???
Thanks to you, I am learning all the lingo so that I can "talk the talk" with the teachers about my daughter's recently diagnosed ADD... IEP makes me sound so knowledgable when I drop that with the principal.... Stabbity.... I'll remember to keep that one for the gossip with the rest of my mommy friends:)
ReplyDeleteSeriously, the Chuck Norris line made me shoot coffee out of my nose.. Love your posts, I love how you fight for you kids and how you do it in style. Keep up the great work!!
ReplyDeleteI feel like you wrote this post just for me ;)
ReplyDeleteLove the Stabbity Font, and the word Stabbity.
ReplyDelete(hope you do not find this alarming) - A
You keep scaring me with that Nana Doll. My mother scared me with a Nana doll once...ONCE.
ReplyDelete@Domestic Goddess -- I think my continued "online therapy program" is helping me deal with my antique dollaphobia. I'm starting to appreciate the creepy awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteOMG! First, my hat's off to you because my Irish would have risen to the boiling hot lava stage instantly and I would have melted her with the STEAM!
ReplyDeleteSecond, I would call a team meeting and ask that this dipwad be present. Shame her among her peers.
What DID you say, out of curiosity? And can you start some online webinars on how to keep from closing our hands around the throats of such people?
I love it! Thanks for reminding me not to burn down the school because my kids teacher is a moron.I have been feeling very stabbity these past few PMS riddled days.Thanks for getting me off the ledge!
ReplyDeleteHaaaaaa! Awesome post!
ReplyDeleteThe pic from "Firestarter" set me off, then the lurking Stabbity and Chuck Norris sent me over the edge!
So do I get a royalty fee every time you use the word Stabbity or use the picture of my doll?! HA!
i love your blog, but have never commented because my kids are always climbing all over me. but dude, WHAT. THE. FUCK. i would cut a bitch if they said that to me! i hope the school takes care of that. anyway, your blog is great. i found it when someone linked the letter to dora, which i promptly shared with every human i know. your blog rules.
ReplyDeleteA suggestion: "Well, according to his Individualized Education Plan, the problem is actually YOURS. Legally."
ReplyDeleteThe end. Sorry that happened.
As serious an issue as it is, this post made me snort diet root beer out of my nose this morning. Thanks for a wonderful and much needed laugh about a normally high stress topic. I will keep this close at hand for our own school interactions.
ReplyDeleteFantastically well done! And stabbity is my new favorite word.
ReplyDeleteAnything I comment would simply be redundant, so I'll let the others cover the righteous indignation. I'll just say I am SO. Totally. Writer's crushing on you right now, and "stabbity" is now a prized new entry in my vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteFrom personal experience do not shout at your child’s teacher in CAPS that “I CAN NOT, WILL NOT COMPLY WITH THIS RIDICULOUS POLICY” unless you don’t want said teacher to not speak to you for the remainder of the school year!
ReplyDeleteI think that this paraprofessional needs a good firm kick to the taco! How dare anyone speak to a parent in that way! I do hope that you don't let that person slide and that you report said person to the school-and if nothing is done to resolve said issue, go to the Board of Education!
ReplyDeleteLauri Jo
My favorite post was No Labor Day? You Didn't Miss a Thing.
ReplyDeleteI spent way too long beating myself up for the c/s.
losingbrownies at gmail dot com
no whacked out font... got it.
ReplyDeleteI had that same talk as well. My son tries to climb out of the harness on the bus. He screams and hurt himself trying to get out. I was told it was me by his casemanager and then she told me I was combative when I demanded a para on the bus to assist his behaviors. Man, did I want to use Chuck Norris phrases on her after that!
ReplyDeleteYou did an excellent job! Thank God I'm reading this now. I'm Mom of a PDD son on the verge of writing a nastygram of my own & destributing it via email to several school board members.
ReplyDelete"Little Dude is fine. You're the one with the problem."
ReplyDeleteUnprofessional and uncalled for. Parapro deserves to be reprimanded and have something written up and placed in her file.
I was a Para for eleven years. I would never have spoken to a parent like that. You should do whatever you have to do in protecting your child. It's a Para like that that makes the rest of us look bad.
ReplyDeleteAs a special ed teacher, I would have rearranged my own aide for that one. There is no excuse. You keep kicking ass for all moms & we'll keep reading and possibly following in your stabbity steps!
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you as this struck a nerve with me. My co-teacher and I handed off one of our pre-schoolers to his Kindergarten in a neighboring town, complete with a letter requested by Mom about how we handled him (I use this word very advisedly). He was a great kid, but went through very tough patches and we learned by trial and error what worked and what didn't (he is a very rigid, concrete thinker who hates change of any kind and needs to do things 'his way') But when he had a good day, he was a joy. By the end of the second year, they were ALL good days, right through the Graduation ceremony, in which we never thought he would participate.
ReplyDeleteNow I know it is very different coming from 2 teachers w/ 20 kids in a private school, going to 1 teacher w/ God knows how many in a public school....BUT WE WROTE THE DAMN LETTER FOR A REASON! He was doing well, but it seems the problem is that he was allowed to be walked into the school for the first month or so by his mom - a very important part here, through a specific door, and handed off to the teacher - - and now, is *not* (see the parallel to your story?) If his day begins well, it stays that way. Now, he goes in kicking and screaming and peeled from Mom, puts his head on the desk and STAYS like that for 2 1/2 hours.
This kills us because we worked so hard to get him functioning normally/typically and it seems as if some beauracratic red tape is sabotaging everything we did. His mom is now looking into some sort of student advocate thing for recourse (did I mention that both mom and dad are social workers so they know their way around the system, but never once strong-armed us, nor needed to, and worked with us every step of the way?)
I know his teacher is probably stuggling with this, but what a frigging simple thing it would have been to have let the kid go through the frigging door he was used to! It's all about baby steps. The reward for all of them, if they had kept his trust, would have been tremendous.
/rant. Thank you for listening
Awesome. I've found that crafting a well-written nastygram makes it less likely that you will need to repeatedly do so down the road. It only takes a few to make them realize you're right there ready to STARE THEM DOWN every step of the way. It's been awhile, maybe even a whole year, since we've had to write a letter ... my skills are probably rusty. I'll have to bookmark your tips for the next time...
ReplyDelete