When women become moms, they take a sort of oath of office, by default. United States presidents vow to "preserve, protect, and defend the constitution of the United States." Substitute "the constitution of the United States" with "my children" and you pretty much have motherhood sewn up.
I vow to preserve, protect, and defend my children.
Everything I do falls under those three categories: preserve, protect, and defend. I do it to the best of my ability. It is hard and I certainly don't do it perfectly. But I'm giving it a hell of an effort. So I'll be damned if I'm going to let what is essentially parental peer pressure change my mind on certain things.
This keeps coming up on this blog: let kids be kids. They don't need to dress like (trashy) adults, and they don't need every little technological gizmo that comes along.
The funny thing is, although some parents would call me over-protective, they actually have quite a bit of old-fashioned freedom. My older two (nine-year-old twins) are allowed to walk around in our neighborhood on their own, so that's kind of free-rangey. But there are limits: this walking around is during the day, to a friend's house. Not just randomly cruising the neighborhood at 8:30 p.m. on a school night like a certain someone in my neighborhood. All four of the kids help in the kitchen and the older two know how to safely use the stove and the microwave oven.
So, you know what? I'm good. I'm feeling pretty comfortable with my parenting choices. And anyone who thinks I'm over-protective can suck it.
Specifically:
If you think I'm over-protective for not letting my daughters dress like tramps or "exercise" on a stripper pole, you know what? I'm okay with that. I'll look forward to seeing you and your daughter on an upcoming episode of Teen Mom.
If you think I'm causing my four-year-old autistic son's separation anxiety by walking him into school every morning, you can bite me.
If you think I'm babying my children by enforcing an 8:00 p.m. bedtime, all I can say is, enjoy your whine-tastic morning.
By the way, on the flip side of that food issue: if you think I'm an under-protective horrible slacker mom because I let my kids make their own Easy Mac in the microwave, you can shut the hell up about that, too. Yes, it's full of processed evil. It's also full of the awesomeness that is me not having to cook. They also make their own hot dogs. On the stove. And they're not nitrate-free! Mwahahahahahaha. The horror ... the horror.
Speaking of horror, if you think I'm over-protective because I haven't let my nine-year-olds see Halloween yet, that's fine. Personally, I find real life terrifying enough without adding horror movies to my mental mix, but I understand that lots of people like scary movies. However, I really don't feel like increasing my daughter's anti-anxiety medication just so you can think I'm a cool mom. I will admit that all four of my kids have seen the Star Wars movies, and have seen at least twelve different characters' hands sliced off. (Dude. What is up with that? Because that is a buttload of repetitive imagery, Mr. Lucas.) The kids and I were all weirdly fine with this. So how about if you just call me hypocritical, and we'll both live with that.
Most importantly, if you think I'm over-reacting to the fetish outfits currently being marketed as trick-or-treat wear to girls, you're out of your damn mind. That shizz is heinous. And wrong. And ohmyGod I just found another damn costume that I hate.
You have to admit the wings on that inappropriate costume are all kinds of awesome though. Just sayin'
ReplyDeletephysicsmom
I also always get accused of being over protective of my 3 year old daughter just because
ReplyDelete*I refuse to let her climb the burglar proofing right up to the ceiling and dangle there like a little monkey
*I insist that when it is nap/bed time and we are out and about she must sleep anyway, I am the one that has to struggle with a moody child if she doesnt
*I make sure that my child doesnt live off sweets for a while week while we go camping - my angel turns into Satans little helper after too much sugar!
Some people should rather worry about how they are raising their own kids or actually have kids of their own before giving out unwanted advice - hint to certain family members.
Ditto on all of this. They are your kids and you know them. I made my kids keep to their bedtime at Disneyworld! You don't know misery like three tired kids schlepping through the happiest place on earth:)
ReplyDeleteWait... let me get this straight... from reading this blog post it seems to me that you are... A REAL MOM.
ReplyDeleteNot some cracked out lady who thinks that being your daughter's best friend is way more important than being her mom.
Not some psychopath trying to force your children to live a life you think you might have wanted once.
A real. Honest. to. goodness. MOTHER.
Be proud of yourself, my dear. Apparently this is a dying breed.
F.Y.I. I sell those inappropriate costumes or should I say...they don't sell! Parents don't buy them! Older sisters, single parents who only see their kids every other weekend and don't want the argument, buy these costumes. Manufactures market these costumes to the tweens but it is the PARENTS responsibility to be the adult and say NO! These costumes do not sell in our stores they sell on-line where idiot parents who are too busy with their own personnel issues to pay attention to their children buy them!
ReplyDeleteLOVE FOREVER SRMM. I am so on that boat with you.
ReplyDeleteStar Wars violence is better (not good, it is violence) than horror movies violence because of the lack of gore! not as tramatic or real. that's my vote, and i'm sticking to it.
Okay, I feel ever so much better about my parenting skills/style, because I agree with - and put into practice - everything you talked about here. This includes the 8 pm bedtime, and eating so little candy that the stuff we get on Halloween ends up being thrown away months later.
ReplyDeleteWe also won't let our kids out to play after dusk, to beat the heat of the day, as seems to be fairly normal where we live.
#1 It messes with their early bedtime.
#2 It's still muggy out, so that would make bathing simply pointless, if we were to do it before they went out - or happen too late, if we let 'em go out first.
#3 Common sense dictates that playing outside after dark, without adult supervision, is just plain dangerous!
I do not understand some people's choices, when it comes to their kiddo's health and well-being, and anamn glad to read that you don't, either.
Spring fling...when we were in Disney, my husband observed (rather appropriately) that all the parents looked ready to kill each other, their children, or Mickey Mouse while walking around the happiest place on earth.
ReplyDeleteOK. That's it. I totally approve of everything about you. I thought after a while I'd find a flaw... but you're too intelligent and too normal, and too much of a REAL, LIVE mother that actually MOTHERS her kids.. and now I think I'm going to have to continue to like you. BTW.... about the skank look... can I hire you to talk to some of the parents of my 16yr old daughter's friends??? LOL
ReplyDeleteAs a parent,and a preschool teacher, I'm behind you 100%. In fact, I wish more parents were like you. You teach your children limits,while teaching them respect and cooperation. You give them independence they can,and should, handle. And,most importantly, you are there for them when they need you.
ReplyDeletePower to the Over Protective Moms!!!
ReplyDeleteyou rock, that's all I can say!
ReplyDeleteLOVE IT!!!!
ReplyDelete@frazzledmomma -- Had an interesting conversation this morning with my 9-year-olds about the way some teenagers dress. Cookie observed that you always see the girls in the super-tight pants with the boys with the really huge pants. She wonders why they don't both just find pants that fit.
ReplyDeleteIs it bad that I want my kids to hate me right now? They are seven and nine. I give them a LOT of 'NO'. I have so much 'NO' that I can spread some around. I know they'll appreciate it later on, so it's worth it now.
ReplyDeleteMy oldest brought home a "What to do when you are home alone" brochure yesterday! He said, "I don't want to be home alone. I'm supposed to be with a parent." I am very proud of him for that. I started to joke around asking him if all the adults could go to the store. He said, "NO, someone has to stay with us. AT. HOME." Gosh, I LOVE it when they use the 'NO' just like I do. *wipes tear*
You are not alone at all in these areas. (I thought I was the only one that let my kids do the Easy Mac dinner.) My kids have a Wii, but that's about it. No cellphones, etc. Given, my social butterfly (seven year old) asks for one on the DAILY! Until I feel they are old enough and mature enough, I keep spreading the 'NO' around like jam on toast.
Amen, sister! Say it loud and proud!! I get the overprotective thing all the time... I even get it for protecting my child from her food allergies... ummmm.. yeah, we don't keep peanut butter and eggs in the house for now, she's almost two and everything still goes in her mouth.. Like I'm going to take THAT risk. I;m overprotective for reading every label before I give her a food. I'm overprotective because we are testing for autism. I'm overprotective because I comfort my child if she is hurt or scared or just plain needs some mama time. I'm overprotective because my daughter didn't try chocolate until she was 18 months old... and that was only because it was Easter, and she didn't like it anyway. I'm proud to be an overprotective mama!!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you all the way, here. We're the adults, it's our job to set limits. Wish I could say it as well as you do! :D
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything you said. I don't have a daughter but there is no way I'd let her wear any of that stuff they market for kids these day! And I hear on a certain forum specifically for moms all the time: "OH grow up! It's CUTE! And Perverts are gonna look no matter what they're wearing!" Oh. Ok. So better to give them an eyeful, right? Can you say predator bait?
ReplyDeleteYou are AWESOME. love this post.
ReplyDelete@Angela S. -- My kids know that they can have cellphones when they're old enough to have jobs to pay for them. Even then, if they're in this house, the use will be limited. End of story. They don't even ask about it.
ReplyDeleteI just wish everyone would not necessarily accept others' parenting styles, but not be so judgemental. I also have a lot of "rules" that some think are ridiculous but I don't really care because I am the one that is suppose to protect, nuture, and guide them. I don't do soda(except a few times a year) and some people think I am strange. I have bedtimes and I am extremely strict about what my children watch on tv. I am to the point that I am ready to not do Halloween soon because of all the crap out there that is associated with it. I love to read your blog!! (minus swearing, I am saying that from my own personal convictions) Where did you live in PA before becoming a Texan? I am from PA.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous -- I lived right outside of Philly. I do try to keep the swearing to a minimum, and I have gotten good feedback on that. That's why I put that one REALLY swear-filled post on another blog. I don't want to exclude anyone here, and if that means watching my mouth carefully, that's what it means.
ReplyDeleteMy fave post was the one with the big.rat.balls - hands down! I have never cried while laughing that early in the morning. Because I am a germ-a-phobe today, my friends can't imagine this, but I had a pet rat as a child (thankfully a female so I wasn't aware of the big.rat.balls phenomenon until I read your post). I forwarded your blog to them, which in turn, made them call me shrieking with laughter and asking whether "Blackie" had the unusually large nutty-buddies as well (which again, thankfully, SHE did not). And of course, we all felt better knowing that a mom as awesome as you uses the internet for evil (searching for causes to big.rat.balls) as well as good (searching for a cause for late-diagnosed ADHD in girls). Thanks for the laugh, and hope that this one makes the Top Ten.
ReplyDeleteBased on what you have written here, I don't consider you over-protective. To me, over-protective is "I call the doctor every time my kid sneezes. I never let them out of my sight. I don't allow them to make their own decisions ever..."
ReplyDeleteAlso, I would add "teach" to those vows to "preserve, protect, and defend." By giving them resposibilities and freedom within boundaries, you are teaching.
Teen Mom? Don't you mean Jerry Springer? I thought we discussed this!
ReplyDeleteI love you! I love that between you and one other good friend who is eerily similar, I don't feel like the bad mom I worried I would be.
ReplyDeleteI was just fussed at yesterday by my grandma because I wouldn't let my three year old have the lollipop bought for her because she wouldn't eat her dinner. Big fun at grandmas house, lemme tell ya'!
@FSU Mom of 2 -- I totally forgot about the rat testicle thing. I don't even remember which post that was in. I'll have to go figure that out.
ReplyDelete@Domestic Goddess -- I felt like the Springer reference might seem a little dated. "Teen Mom" seems "fresher," no? ; )
@FSU Mom of 2 -- Oh, okay, that was in the "Six Things that Freak Me Out" post. That's definitely in. Heh heh heh. Rat balls.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry I may be worse. I just had my daughter switched out of her 4th grade class 2 months into the school year bc I can't stand the teacher. Hows that for "overprotective"?
ReplyDeleteI have been embroiled in a ludicrous debate with people on an online autism board about this very subject. Honestly, this subject challenges my ability to have an intelligent discussion because there IS NO INTELLIGENT COUNTERARGUMENT to my position!!! I've got people telling me that I'm sheltering my son from "the real world" because he's 7 and not allowed to watch Halo, or Saw 9 - pardon me but where exactly are you living if that is a reflection of your REAL WORLD? Maybe you should high-tail it outta there first, before engaging in an argument with me about parenting.
ReplyDeleteI'm accused of allowing my children to exist in a "fantasy world" because I don't drag them into my adult world by the age of 10. At what point did we allow industry marketing to convince us that "childhood" was the equivalent of a sissy "fantasy world"? When did we as a society forget that we need to allow children to reach an age of emotional maturity before exposing them to things they are not able to psychologically process in a healthy way?
Ugh. We've lost a generation to parents who aren't willing to parent. The painful irony is that it will be us and our appropriately-sheltered kids who pay the price for those who couldn't stomach the job.
Caitlin
www.welcome-to-normal.com
SH - I wish more people would take a stand when their kids' teachers are not making the grade. Last year I pulled my 6 year old out of Grade 1, two months into the year because of significant issues with 2 teachers. A few letters to the right people, and NEITHER of those teachers are employed by my son's school this year.
ReplyDeleteCaitlin
www.welcome-to-normal.com
I call it being a PARENT and not being your child's BFF. Last time I checked THAT'S what I signed up for when I had kids.
ReplyDeleteAll of THAT is "over protective"? I won't let my kids play in the yard unless I can see them. (In my defense we live in New Haven and on a fairly busy street and the yard is tiny.)
ReplyDeleteOn the horror movie note: When I was in 3rd grade I remember 3 slumber parties in vivid detail? Because they were great friends on mine? Not really. It's because we watched Carries, Nightmare on Elm Street Pt2 and Children of the Corn!!! Who were those moms??? I had nightmares about Elm Street for 2 years! And driving my corn fields still freaks me out. Which is bad when you lived in rural CT for the last years. And now live on "Elm St"
Ok, you are super awesome and I don't think you are over protective and the rat balls are so fabulous and Stabbity Nanna makes me snort every time. I have a toddler and am total agreement on no junk food (hypocrite that I am, I eat it after she goes to bed!) and no skankification. I also have a 20 yo and a 16 yo so this is not my first rodeo.
ReplyDeleteI do have to mention that sometimes "appropriately" protective moms are too hard on our educators. Believe me when I say everyone's child acts differently when mom is not around. Our sweet angel sometimes pushes another child. Our timid mouse is able to stand up for themselves. Our introvert reaches over and hugs another kid. Our helpless special needs child is able to show strength and independence.
I have had my share of dealing with educators who are in the wrong field, but for the most part they are pretty good and while we may know our kids...they know a LOT about all kinds of kids. This is not their first rodeo either and they may just know some things about our kids that we don't see.
I vote for you every day and sometimes it allows me to vote twice in one day (shhhh, don't tell)
Awesome!!! I am so tired of people who think they own cats, not children telling me I am overprotective!!! I seriously think they think their only job is to feed them and house them and then let the door open so they can leave... But I am over protective because my 10yr old isn't allowed to roam freely around hotels in wild packs! (Tournament travel)
ReplyDeleteIt makes me crazy to have all these psycho douchebag parents get all the press (Petkov, anyone?) Who is publicizing the moms that will (mostly) gladly bear the burden of their children's resentment in order to improve their chances of growing up to be a halfway decent human being? Hell hath no fury like a 13 year old who's been denied a cell phone - again. Even though she always knew she wasn't getting one. The learning curve is high here - or maybe she just hopes she'll wear me out. NO! My daughter's not wearing clothes appropriate for strolling Sunset Blvd at 2 am. NO! We're not playing Grand Theft Auto so my kids can get a jumpstart on their future in felony assault! NO! I'm not playing "songs" that are basically curse dictionaries that rhyme! YES! My kids go to bed at 8 pm too - even the 13 year old! YES! I do demand respect from my children when they talk to me! YES! We require our kids to participate in household duties BEYOND throwing their underwear in the basket - and missing, but that's another story. What crack shack is much of parental America hanging out in??? Oh, and yeah - horror movies are not generally recommended for people who are young enough to still think Sully's in their closet at night!
ReplyDeleteWe have a society of parents who think that 'helicoptering' is the defnition of good parenting. SO.NOT.THE.CASE.
ReplyDeleteIn a post called Take Them to the Park, I wrote this:
Supervising: Watching my children so they are safe, those around them are safe, and not overreacting to every little issue (perceived by me or my kids) and solving it.
Helicoptering: Solving every issue her kids have as if it is the end of the world and they are too stupid to figure out the solution on their own.
That sums up my feelings. :)
But, of course, I am totally OK with the tween costumes. LOL
Hartley
8 pm bedtime. Check. (ages 38, 38, 15,13 & 10, no exceptions)
ReplyDeleteNo cell phone. Check. (I let them use the family tracfone when they go with friends and only so I can call them)
Cooking for themselves. Check (They've been cooking since age 5--I'm not going to be around forever and they will still need to eat)
No trampy costumes. Check. ( I ain't raisin' thier babies)
No pop. Almost check. (But my kids are very low key and a sugar high makes them seem normal.)
Free Rangy. Check. (They all three walk to and from school and are allowed to be at home alone for a short period of time when necessary)
No horror movies. Check (Unless Nightmare Before Christmas and other Tim Burton productions count as horror flicks)
@Mary S. -- Thanks! Hee hee hee. Shhhh. Yeah, I am *totally* about listening to our teachers. Although it did freak me out a bit when two fourth-grade teachers yesterday said they had never heard of Asperger Syndrome.
ReplyDelete@Hartley -- Says the mom of all boys.
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome! You seriously just summed up my thoughts exactly. The main difference is I have yet to deal with some of this as my kids are only 2 and 3. You are on my list of reasons to move to Texas but I'm still working on my husband with this.
ReplyDeleteWouldn't it be nice if we could all make our own parenting choices without others judging? I don't know what goes on in other's homes, and because of that, I defer to each mother and father to make the choices that work for their family. In return, I just want others to afford me the same deference.
ReplyDeleteExcept of course, for the skanky little girl costumes. That's just wrong.
P.S. Thanks for the coffee meet up on Sunday. Lots of fun.
I make all the same choices you do, so you aren't crazy! Or maybe we both are, but who cares? Soda? No. Star Wars? Yes! Waiting until the bell rings and watching my kindergartner walk into the room and the teacher closes the door before leaving? Yep. And Kraft Easy Mac used to be a great staple for "mommy really doesn't want to cook dinner tonight because daddy is working the late shirt" but then we had to go gluten-free. I wish they made gluten-free Easy Mac!
ReplyDeleteMy 5 year old only watches non-commercial television (PBS Kids, Nick Jr, Playhouse Disney), can count on one hand how many times he's had soda, is asleep by 8 pm almost every night, has never watched a movie (even rated G) that I have not either watched first and/or read reviews on to make sure that I think it's appropriate, does not go outside our fenced in backyard without a parent with him, and does not play video games that are not specifically designed for his age....and I wear my label of "over-protective parent" proudly!!
ReplyDeleteIf someone else wants to parent differently, they are more than welcome to, but I'd really appreciate it if they would keep their comments about my parenting to themselves....my kid, my rules!
Oh yeah, I forgot, my son goes to bed at 7. My neighbors thing I am crazy, but we are all happier in the end.
ReplyDeleteyou are an awesome mom! you set boundaries and make intentional decisions about how you want to parent and what works for your family. i don't have children, but my life is full of them, and i think you are a fantastic role model for other parents and parents-to-be. also, i couldn't agree with you more about the mini-hooker costumes, they have to go.
ReplyDeleteThe best mom is the mom who parents to the needs of her kids. Not the needs of their relatives or neighbors or the stupid mommy cliques at school. If that makes you over-protective in another's POV, so what? I agree with you about letting kids be kids. Don't stress them out or over-sex them before they need to be. Let you be the one to develop their solid sense of self before they go to school and have their minds poisoned by how everyone ELSE thinks they need to walk/talk/dress/act. And good for Cookie for already having a good sense of style!
ReplyDeleteYou rock as a Mom!
Dude! That's not over-protective. That's being a caring parent instead of the super cool mom-friend.
ReplyDeleteOh and that costume reminded me! When we headed to get little man's costume last week there was a huge poster for a trampy Indian girl costume called "Pocahottie." I didn't have my camera to get a photo, but I did find a link for it here: http://www.buycostumes.com/Pocahottie-Adult-Costume/60045/ProductDetail.aspx
I don't know what's worse - the costume itself or the fact that the name can be taken quite suggestively...
Didja see the scene last night in Modern Family? The teen comes down trampy, and Claire says, "The only person that costume is scaring is me! Go change now!" Kids want your approval, and ladies, disapprove vocally if they gravitate towards slutdom. It'll send a message they'll hold on to.
ReplyDeleteI take a lot of heat from my husband's family for my kids' scheduled nap time, 8 pm bedtime, limited TV, no soda, low sugar diet. I wish they would just keep their opinions to themselves because you know what, I keep my mouth shut when their kid spends all morning eating straight out of a half gallon bucket of raw cookie dough with a spoon. You think they could offer me the same courtesy. But of course these are the same people who expect me to watch their kids when the extended family gets together. They figure since I'm already watching my 3 kids, what's one or two more? I just want to tell all of them "You parent your way, and I'll parent my way....m'kay?" But instead, I just bite my lip and smile.
ReplyDeleteI've been told that I'm over protective. I'd rather be that than the opposite. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI'm in the same camp as you, and my kid is 5 months old.
ReplyDeleteAlso, as a teacher... if your child doesn't go to bed at a normal hour and if you give them coke for breakfast, it make my life HELL. That's not cool.
You are awesome. That's all.
ReplyDeleteThat Pocahottie costume is clearly an adult costume and not at all marketed to tweens. If an adult wants to wear that to an adult party, more power to her.
ReplyDeleteMy kids think soda tastes "spicy." ;-) We don't do soda in our house. at all. not even the adults. Of course, I'm pretty sure I ALONE am keeping Starbucks in business.
ReplyDelete7:30 bed time on. the. dot. 2nd grader and 4 yo. Any later, and they are both crabby and exhausted. And they are asleep when their precious little heads hit the pillow. An they sleep till 7am! It's getting harder and harder, the older my son gets. Cub scout night, we're not even home till 8pm. Grrr...
And I get "looks" from the other parents when my kids are riding their scooters around with their helmets on. Um, it's the LAW here in OR people. Nevermind the simple fact that it protects your child's BRAIN. My husband's life was saved twice by a helmet (both times were bike v. car, and both times the car was AT FAULT). We ALL wear helmets in our house. It's called "do as I do."
I love you and your blog, and your very NORMAL parenting!
And as another teacher... I second Losing Brownies comment. Get your kids to be EARLY people! Sleep deprived children make for students who can't concentrate.
I am definitely with you on this post. I'm so not a "helicopter mom", but we do have our rules. Our bedtime is 9pm for our 11 year-old DD (and me!) and I get so many people telling me that they let their kids stay up past 10pm. Ugh! I've had to cut down on my own soda addiction, because whatever I have, DD wants too. Then there's the cell phone thing. She's been wanting one so she can text her friends (I believe only 2 of her friends have cells at this point). I'm thinking about a pay-as-you-go with MANY, MANY LIMITS.
ReplyDeleteI guess the point is that everyone has to do what they think is right for their kids. Well, except for the trampy costumes...that's just so wrong on so many levels.
I was thinking about you while watching "The Talk" today. Apparently, tomorrow they are going to be discussing tween Halloween costumes! DVRing it for sure! LOL!
THANK YOU, from one appropriately protective mom to another!
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a fantastic mommy to me!
ReplyDeleteAwesome.
ReplyDeleteWalk my 4-year-old autistic child to school every day: Check.
Refuse to let my sugar-crack-head children drink but the occasional soda: Check.
Let them eat microwaveable Easy Mac: Check.
Didn't dress my baby like one of Heff's Girls Next Door: Check.
I'm in total agreement with your parenting style. Bring on the nitrates and common sense!
Yeah! OPM's! I am most protective of my children's soul? mind? innocence? maybe all three. No yucky movies here, no disrespectful shows either, no bare tummies ever, they aren't so bad on sugar but it's mostly homeade cookies and such, soda is rarely in the house and is usually natural brand, 4 and 5 yr olds outside unsupervised? no way, no mean or bullying behavior to siblings or others, correctly installed carseat buckled at ALL times.
ReplyDeleteWhat they can do, test their physical boundaries (they love jumping off their table), jump on our couch, climb the wall trim, make big crafty messes, get super muddy or dirty or wet, go barefoot, not wear a coat if they're not that cold, never color in the lines, and make big messy forts all over the house.
If your stomach doesn't get a little vomity from a provocatively dressed or made up CHILD there is some kind of wierdness going on with your boundaries/maturity/wisdom. Think of a third world country where children are really forced to grow up and see horrible things or situations, I bet their parents would love to live here and be "overprotective".
SRMM used to be fun and quirky. Now it's turned kinda bitchy :(
ReplyDeleteI'm new to your posts but I'm in love with you! Not literally as I'm really, truly in love with my husband, but you get what I mean...right?
ReplyDeleteI have 7--yes count them because EVERYone else in the world must do so when we are in public-- children. My oldest is 20, married and getting ready to deploy to Afghan this coming year. She and her husband both serve in the Army as does my oldest son. So the references you make to military life make all the sense in the world to me.
As far as being "over protective" goes... You never can watch your children close enough. I believe this, I've lived this--am living it still and know it to be true!
I've also learned in the 20+ years of mothering that others opinions are just that...opinions. It sounds to me like you are doing a fabulous job. I say keep up the good work and thank you from one mother who insists on modesty to another for not allowing your daughters and sons to dress like common hookers/thugs. :)
Ahhhh, funny, quirky, bitchy, stabbity I still love you. Of course I also love my hubs but your the one I turn to first thing every morning for my daily giggle.
ReplyDelete@Mary S. -- Awww, thanks. : )
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - you're right, it is. And you're also right that if an adult wants to wear that sort of thing, that's totally up to them. I guess I'm just one of those people bothered by the skankiness of Halloween as a whole, not just with children. But that's just my personal opinion.
ReplyDeleteMary S. - I'm right there with you! I love SRMM and all of her "personality traits." I mean, aren't we all just a little bitchy anyway? : )
I don't think you're being overprotective at all. My 7 year old still doesn't walk to class alone. And there is no way in hell I'd let her have a Bratz doll much less take pole classes...we'll stick with ballet thankyouverymuch. Of course my mother still thinks I'm way too laid back because I let her watch iCarly on Nickleodeon and pick her own clothes even if she looks a little goofy sometimes. I say keep up the good work and rest easy with the knowledge that your 4 year old isn't the one wandering aimlessly through the neighborhood...I judge those parents too.
ReplyDeletehey there SRMM,
ReplyDeleteI read your title today and *gulped* coz I have used those exact words in my comments I'm sure.
I have spent the morning (inbetween looking after preschoolers & a sick kid) reading the post and all the comments, and mulling over how best to respond. Now it's afternoon and my brain is fuzzy, so please forgive me if I say this wrong.
I want to say that I follow your blog not only because you make me laugh at the way you see the world, but also coz it feels like we are thinking that same thing on SO many topics. I look at your life (the way you portray it here) and am in AWE. I can't imagine coping the way you do. I have 6 kids, all non JEDI for the most part, and I struggle. They are all under 12yrs, one of the twin 4yrs has recently been diagnosed with developmental & severe speech delay. We've always thought he was a little different, but not that much more than our others - all kids have weird quirks. But for the most part they are healthy and well adjusted, normal (ick term) kids.
As I read this morning I had a feeling I had been one of those voices saying you are an overprotective parent. If I was, I want to apologise. It was NEVER my intention. And if I may have alluded to it, then I'm one too! dammit. I like the way you describe Appropriately Protective Parenting and I hope that is what I strive for as well.
So yeah, ack! going on too long. wanted to apologise if I caused stress for you. I think you're amazing, you are wise and strong and if I can be half the mum you are to your kids then that would be awesome.
@liltoastfairy -- OMG, I never got that vibe from you! No, it's more like the woman at school who said, "Little Dude is fine, you're the one with the problem." Or the counselor who said that I was causing Little Dude's separation anxiety because I "baby" him. And the mother (in real life) who said I am uptight and overprotective.
ReplyDeleteThat sound you hear? That's me. Giving YOU ~ a standing ovation. SRMM Queen Mommy Bitch! I bow to your greatness.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous comments? they amuse the heck outta me. I'll bet they (Anonymous ones) are dressing as Cowards this year. I saw THAT costume at K-Mart. Better hurry if you want one... they are apparently going fast.
SRMM - *phew*
ReplyDeletecoz I think you're AWESOME. in the original meaning - Full of The AWE. I am in awe of you.
oh crap! now I've gushed all over your page! sorry *madly cleaning the mess up* :OD
Just colour me overprotective!
ReplyDeleteI am right there with you!
No Sugar (well limits on that sugar for my daughter none for the son).
Walk both into class.
No TV shows that are not age appropriate.
and 8:30 bedtime
And that costume is ridiculous though had a great laugh at one of your anonymouses comment about the wings.
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ReplyDeleteI love you. I agree with all you said and anyone else can bite me. Hooray for moms who care and have realistic expectations!
ReplyDeleteI knew there was a reason I started following your blog! I completely agree with you and my 8-year-old saw Star Wars when he was really young, but he sure as hell isn't seeing Halloween for YEARS!
ReplyDeleteI don't have kids of my own, but when I was a child, my brother and I certainly had age-appropriate bedtimes, limits on tv watching, and soda was an occasional treat (usually for when we went out to dinner, and back then, they didn't have free refills, so it was ONE glass of Coke). Personally, I think the last thing little bodies need is an abundance of sugar and caffeine. It just can't be good for them.
ReplyDeleteOh, and as for horror movies, let me just say that somehow at a very young age (around 7 or so?), I watched a good portion of Karen Black's Trilogy of Terror, and it scarred me for life. I don't think I was able to turn on a table lamp without first looking under the shade for a good 2 years after that. :D For the life of me, I can't remember how it was that I was able to watch it unsupervised, but I wish I could go back and erase the memory. Of course, now it makes stories about stabbity nana dolls hysterically funny, so I guess there's an upside.
I guess what I'm saying is, don't listen to anyone else. You sound like you're doing just fine.
I LOVE YOU!! xoxo You are in my brains! I was told I was overprotective because I wouldn't let my 3 year old watch grown up scary movies at the same time he was having nightmares of Bianca and Bernard drowning with a skull- yes, Disney's The Rescuers! I was told I was a lazy mother for hanging a shopping bag on a high cupboard handle for trash so that a certain 2 and 3 year old wouldn't throw away things that should not be thrown away- because some kids with autism like to put stuff in stuff/ hide treasured posessions in inappropriate places. I think we could all go on and on, but you nailed it! LOVE IT!! I wish more parents would consider thier actions and how thier parenting decisions will affect their children's ability to be contributing members on society! Tiffany
ReplyDeleteBeing a father for the past 6 years, a pre-school teacher for the past nine, and now a third grade teacher, I have found that understanding that parent's top priority is to PREPARE their child helps tremendously.
ReplyDeleteProtect AND defend? Preserve?
It certainly could be me, but these don't jump out at me as clear, defined duties. I learned in my first year of teaching, the most difficult part of my job is getting the parents to do their part at home. But, in fairness to them, they were quite often unclear of what the job actually is. So, I do my best to help them by explaining in clear, certain terms.
For what it's worth....
spring fling-You comment on disneyworld made me chuckle. It certainly was not funny at the time but while we were in line for Epcot's opening a woman thought she had left her ticket at the hotel. She melted down including swearing, screaming at the rest of her family, etc. Another parent in line called her on it-I think I was struck speechless but wow. Talk about an adult temper tantrum. So many overtired, sugared up kids. So many parents fighting, large groups arguing, etc. For the most part, we avoided the pain but I think my strict insistence on rest time each afternoon back at the hotel helped.
ReplyDeleteI take the protective oath with my daughter too and I feel the same way -- suck it if you don't like it!
ReplyDeleteAnd seriously, what is up with Halloween becoming such a slut parade? I feel like so many girls/women use Halloween as an excuse to wear the most whore-tastic get-ups imaginable. What ever happened to Halloween costumes that DON'T reveal skin? Angels and nurses are supposed to be cute and wholesome, not trashy!
First of all, I have to say that I love that you said "microwave oven" LMAO!!! I haven't heard the "oven" part since I was a teenager ;) That right there just solidifies the little bit of old school Mommying that they are getting...and hooray to that!
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, I have to agree with everything that Law Momma said in her comment...you rock it out REAL MOMMY :)
Laurie
Nothing you said sounds over-protective. It shounds like you are being an actual parent!
ReplyDeleteAnd, I think the worst part of that girl's outfit is the come-hither expression she has on her face!
Just a minor note on the bedtime thing: for some AS people, sleep issues can make that difficult. When I was a little kid, I'd be sent to bed at a normal time, but then I'd lie awake, trying to sleep for hours, making myself stressed about not being able to sleep. When I got older, I figured out by trial and error that I get more sleep if I go to bed late and take a nap at the end of my school/working day. If your son ever mentions anything about having trouble sleeping, he might not just be playing the normal children's games to get a bedtime extension, he might really have sleep issues, and finding a way to fix those can make a huge difference in how the world affects him. (If I'm not sleeping right, the world is so much louder than if I've slept.) I never told my parents about my issues until I was much older because I thought it was normal to have that much trouble sleeping, and we didn't know I was different yet. Sorry if you already know this.
ReplyDeleteI just want to say thank you. I am tired of feeling guilt because I fed my kid cereal for dinner or God forbid a damn nitrate filled hot dog. You give me the strength to accept my choices and not give a crap what other mom's think of me. We are all doing the very best we can with the knowledge and resources we have. We shouldn't be made to feel guilty about our choices and I love how unapplogetic you are, I would love to be more like that.
ReplyDelete