Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Crap in My House is Talking to Me Again

Bizarrely, the cleaning product Endust is now following me on Twitter.  I thought at first that it was someone being ironic, but no, the actual cleaning product has a Twitter account.  It tweets clever little cleaning tips, I guess.  Whatever.  Clearly, it has the wrong damn housewife if it thinks I need tweets from cleaning products. I already feel like the bottles under the sink are mocking me.

It inspired me to write another Facebook Feed from My House.  (The first one is here.)

Endust is at Under Your Sink (via Loopt)
Endust is soooooo lonely.  Also, my bottom is rusty from disuse.


The Dust Bunnies Sucks to be you, dude.  Bahahahahaha.
Mouthy Minivan It reeks in here like something died.
Da Bills  Don't look at us.  Paper doesn't smell.  But that old Starbucks frappe cup underneath us is heinous.
Mr. Coffee  Stop rubbing it in my face! I know she's seeing  someone else.  You don't have to gloat.
Da Bills  Look, Whiny McWhinerson, we're not gloating.  We're just saying, we've been lying on the floor of Mouthy Minivan for the last four months.  It does reek in here.



Mouthy Minivan  True dat.  I reek.  I don't know if it's the Starbucks Frappe cup or the strawberry milk boxes in the back, but I. am. nastee.


Sh-t My House Says  Damn, that woman cannot get organized.  Da Bills have been on the floor of Mouthy Minivan for months?
The Lights  Dude, you are *such* a name-dropper.
Sh-t My House Says  Bite me.  Also?  When the electric meter guy comes around, don't come crying to me.
Clorox Wipes  Burn!
Endust Hey, Clorox Wipes, why you get so much action?  I have been sooooo depressed.  And the other cleansers are making fun of me because I leave a rusty ring on the bottom of the cabinet.  It looks like I, um, soiled myself.
Clorox Wipes  Don't feel bad.  She's just too lazy to break out the paper towels.  It's not your fault.  ((Hugs!))
The Lights are out.  FML.
The Laundry Chronicles  Gahhhh!  It's dark in here!  And the kitty litter smells really, really bad.

Kitty Litter  Shaddup.
The Laundry Chronicles  I will not shut up!  It's dark and stinky and I'm freaking out!  I need some Valium!
Da Bills  OMG. This is the funniest f-ing thing *evah*.
The Phone  The power's out!  I'm *totally* going to lose all her voicemails!  She'll never know the school called to reschedule the IEP meeting!  Muahahahahahaha!

Mr. Coffee  I don't work either.  Ewww, she's lying on the kitchen floor crying.
The Lights  Hold me?
Sh-t My House Says  I wish I could move.
Mouthy Minivan  I am so out of here.

21 comments:

  1. So freaking funny! Thank you!

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  2. Genius. Pretty sure things are talking about me behind my back. Will have to listen more carefully, or monitor the computers better....

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  3. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Hats off to you!!

    That was so funny! I'd lie on the floor and cry if I ran out of caffiene too!

    M

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  4. Great. Now I'm hearing voices from my van and trashcan. THANKS ALOT.
    ;)

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  5. OMG this is the best post ever- I'm fighting so hard not to laugh out loud as I'm sitting in the middle of a library at the moment....

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  6. Holy crap woman, you are *so* becoming my first morning pick me up read!

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  7. I totally second SheAlwaysWrite's comment!!

    I get to work and the first thing I do is read your post ;-)

    Work e-mails can wait!

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  8. Oh my....too funny!! My 5 year just asked me what I was laughing at, but I won't even try to go down that road with Mr Literal...LOL

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  9. @Kathy -- OMG, right? Do NOT tell your Aspies about talking dust bunnies or you will NEVER get them to sleep again.

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  10. Holy cow that was hilarious! Laughed so loud my 4YO couldn't hear Sponge Bob on TV and got mad at me.

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  11. ROFLMAO!!!! What a GREAT post... You've been spying in my house again?? LOL!

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  12. Love this--thanks for the snickers. And the odd looks from my kids. And the disgusted sigh from my coffee maker.

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  13. heh! brilliant. I loved the Kitty Litty pic, and the 'tude that some of your appliances have!!

    I think I must have Monster Dust Bunnies - coz I NEVER dust. never have. it's just too much effort! Vacuuming is hard enough. :OD

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  14. Love! I still think there's a book in here somewhere. Might be a little short. Have to figure out how to develop conflict, denouement and resolution among household objects. Hmmm. Keep up the good work!
    physicsmom

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  15. I think your endust can come spend some time with my pledge... I think they would be very happy together. This made my day. LOVE IT!

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  16. newly following you from Pajamas and Coffee! Hope all is well with you!

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  17. I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying! Thanks for the post! I *LOVE* your blog.

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