The Crap in My House is Talking to Me Again

Bizarrely, the cleaning product Endust is now following me on Twitter.  I thought at first that it was someone being ironic, but no, the actual cleaning product has a Twitter account.  It tweets clever little cleaning tips, I guess.  Whatever.  Clearly, it has the wrong damn housewife if it thinks I need tweets from cleaning products. I already feel like the bottles under the sink are mocking me.

It inspired me to write another Facebook Feed from My House.  (The first one is here.)

Endust is at Under Your Sink (via Loopt)

Endust is soooooo lonely.  Also, my bottom is rusty from disuse.

The Dust Bunnies Sucks to be you, dude.  Bahahahahaha.

Mouthy Minivan It reeks in here like something died.

Da Bills  Don't look at us.  Paper doesn't smell.  But that old Starbucks frappe cup underneath us is heinous.

Mr. Coffee  Stop rubbing it in my face! I know she's seeing  someone else.  You don't have to gloat.

Da Bills  Look, Whiny McWhinerson, we're not gloating.  We're just saying, we've been lying on the floor of Mouthy Minivan for the last four months.  It does reek in here.



Mouthy Minivan  True dat.  I reek.  I don't know if it's the Starbucks Frappe cup or the strawberry milk boxes in the back, but I. am. nastee.

Sh-t My House Says  Damn, that woman cannot get organized.  Da Bills have been on the floor of Mouthy Minivan for months?

The Lights  Dude, you are *such* a name-dropper.

Sh-t My House Says  Bite me.  Also?  When the electric meter guy comes around, don't come crying to me.

Clorox Wipes  Burn!

Endust Hey, Clorox Wipes, why you get so much action?  I have been sooooo depressed.  And the other cleansers are making fun of me because I leave a rusty ring on the bottom of the cabinet.  It looks like I, um, soiled myself.

Clorox Wipes  Don't feel bad.  She's just too lazy to break out the paper towels.  It's not your fault.  ((Hugs!))

The Lights are out.  FML.

The Laundry Chronicles  Gahhhh!  It's dark in here!  And the kitty litter smells really, really bad.

Kitty Litter  Shaddup.

The Laundry Chronicles  I will not shut up!  It's dark and stinky and I'm freaking out!  I need some Valium!

Da Bills  OMG. This is the funniest f-ing thing *evah*.

The Phone  The power's out!  I'm *totally* going to lose all her voicemails!  She'll never know the school called to reschedule the IEP meeting!  Muahahahahahaha!

Mr. Coffee  I don't work either.  Ewww, she's lying on the kitchen floor crying.

The Lights  Hold me?

Sh-t My House Says  I wish I could move.

Mouthy Minivan  I am so out of here.