Larry the Cable Guy and Fire Ants

We had our third meeting yesterday, attempting to set up the Peanut Butter Kid's homebound schooling.  The third time may have been the charm, but we shall see.  Specifically, we shall see on Friday as to whether or not a teacher arrives at our door.

To recap: Meeting No. 1 dissolved because of a disagreement between our school and the district.  Meeting No. 2 never happened because the homebound coordinator failed to show up.  The school and I are now united in our annoyance with the homebound coordinator for that little faux pas.  We are also annoyed that the homebound coordinator wouldn't release any of PBK's schoolwork to me because the PBK wasn't in the program.  Because the homebound coordinator hadn't shown up for the meeting.

Happily, our school has totally been hooking us up on the Down Low with textbooks and assignments.  Shhhh.  Also?  They've promised not to report us for truancy, because apparently all this nonsense somehow equals the PBK not technically being enrolled in any school for the last three weeks.  Awesome.  Let's all keep it a secret, mmkay?

I've been trying to hold it together and act like a professional in these meetings, but that sort of fell apart today.  Apparently I can only act totally sane for but so long.  For starters, I have fire ant bites on my arm that are so truly nasty-looking that I had to cover them with Band-Aids.  To be clear: not using the Band-Aids was not an option.  It wouldn't be fair to make other people see these things.  The ant bites are a tad ... oozy.  I know.  It's gross and TMI, but I'm trying to paint you a picture here.

Of course, the only Band-Aids I have in the house are some sort of Other Brand Adhesive Bandage Band-Aid Wannabes, and they are the clear fake tattoo ones with Star Wars designs.  The red swelling shows right through the clear plastic, only now the red swelling is shiny.  In the center of this shiny red attractiveness is a fake tattoo of Yoda.

Also, Tropical Storm Hermine was paying us a visit, so I had the elegant appearance of a drowned rat for our meeting. So basically I looked like bedraggled wet cat making a clumsy attempt at hiding Lyme Disease.  My professional appearance was shot.  And then the homebound coordinator told me that the new teacher would arrive Friday "between 8 a.m. and 10 a.m."  At that point, my professional demeanor slid from "Interview Day" to "Casual Friday Before a Holiday and the Boss Has Already Checked Out."

I may have started snickering.

Because giving me a window of time like that reminded me of waiting for the cable guy.  Which made me think of Larry the Cable Guy.  And then all I could picture was a guy in a cut-off flannel shirt showing up at my door on Friday hollering "Git-R-Done!"

I mean, you know, we're in Texas.  It could happen.

But I haven't even gotten to the best part of the meeting: the other teachers and administrators from our school started to snicker too.  Because they had mentally traveled the same path.  I think one of them even quietly made an impression of Jim Carrey in the movie Cable Guy.

Nothing creates a community of parents and school staff like being annoyed with school district personnel.