Maybe it's the lack of sleep that's making me cranky. I finally have Little Dude sleeping through the night (most nights) and now the Peanut Butter Kid keeps waking up. Last week it was the Pork Lo Maniac waking up.
Ohmygodgotosleepyoucrazylittlepeople.
Or maybe it's the juggling of Individualized Education Plans, 504 Plans, and Homebound Schooling. Visits to my children's school are feeling more and more like trips to the Department of Motor Vehicles. Just when you think you've got everything all set, they tell you you've been waiting in the wrong line for the last 45
Along the same line, but with less emotional investment: Did you notice that January Jones' Emmy dress appeared to be made out of cupcake liners? A lot of cupcake liners?
Also, now I want cupcakes. But all we have in the house is sugar-free Popsicles. Which is making me even more cranky.
I installed a dual-switch ceiling fan by myself this weekend. Although I was proud of myself for the accomplishment, all I could think "Five Minute Installation?" Hunter Fan Company, you're out of your damn mind. Seriously, I don't know who could install that thing in five minutes. I don't even think a professional electrician could do it in five minutes. Maybe a team of fan installers could train with an Indy pit crew and get it down to ten minutes, tops.
Speaking of cats, I had always planned to be a crazy cat lady when I'm old. Our current two cats are changing my mind on that. One cat has cat acne (also known as Feline Gross Scabby Bald Spot) and is actively trying to kill me. Seriously, he weaves around my feet on the stairs. You know what, cat? You have chin funk and I am the only one who's willing to deal with it. And if I cartwheel down the stairs and break my neck, no one will scrub your chin with Dial soap. And then you will be hideous.
The other cat is, um, "Special Needs." No, really. She's deaf, which is fine, and she has a balance problem, which is also fine. And funny, truth be told. Except for the time she fell into the fireplace, which was totally not funny. But the annoying thing about that cat is she doesn't cover her poops up. She scratches the side of the box, but she just can't seem to scratch any litter over her stinky poops. Even the most spectacular kitty litter cannot combat the odor of cat poop that just sits there on top of the litter. The last time I bought litter, there were about twenty different formulas. There's even some kind of sparkly Glitter Litter with stench-fighting crystals or something. But no "Uncoordinated Cat" formula.
The more stressed I get, the worse my own sensory integration problems are. Every little sound is screaming at me. At one moment, the television was on, one of my kids was reading a story out loud, and another kid was munching an apple. The various sounds converged into a giant spine-stabbing auditory dagger that left me twitching on the couch. I finally let loose with "OH MY GOD WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TURN OFF THE IDIOT BOX BEFORE I THROW A BRICK THROUGH IT?"The kids giggled. Mommy's got a thing with sounds. They think it's funny.
My husband, the ever-charming Absent-Minded Professor, flicked the TV off. "Why so tense?" he asked.
He's hilarious.
Oh man. Thank you for this. It made my day. I'm thinking of getting one of those remotes myself.
ReplyDeleteI think you have somehow read my mind. On any given cranky day I seriously could be thinking all these same things in the same disjointed and crazy ramble that makes perfect sense to me. Thanks for a good laugh this morning. (No honey, I'm not laughing AT you I'm laughing WITH you!) It will go a long way to preventing a cranky day with me today when I am shortly on my way to a Review of Existing Data meeting for my PDD child because they finally figured out after 7 years that I'm not crazy and my kid actually does need help in school. I was wanting to go in with a positive attitude since there is a change in staff and the current people are not the same people I've been fighting with for years but the fear of another wasted trip to the DMV (Love the anology!) had me getting worked up already. Thanks for writing about my life so much better than I could!
ReplyDeleteOh my word I know the awful stench of uncovered cat poop. One of my two cats NEVER covers her poop, and if she's upset with me - like after I return from a weekend trip away - she poops on the floor, in the middle of the night, when I couldn't possibly catch her or discipline her. Big, wet, stinky poops.
ReplyDeleteShe recently pulled the overnight poop-on-the-floor stunt almost every night for 3 weeks straight, in a campaign to move the litter box to the place of her choosing. She won.
However, it is the dog that is trying to kill me by the trip-and-break-your-neck method.
Why do we keep pets, again? :)
Its 90 flipping degrees out and I should have given birth a week ago to #5. School starts next week with my kids, one of which has an IEP the size of the Mississippi River. I am feeling your pain!!
ReplyDeleteSounds gang up on me too! I'm glad I'm not the only one, I though it was weird that the TV, a/c's and fan's going at the same time bothered me. Yay! I'm normal! Great rant for the day, I truly enjoy your blog. (side note on the cat, do you use plastic food and water dishes for them? If so, switch to ceramic or metal and it might just clear up. Believe it or not, a lot of cats are allergic to plastic. I know, just what you need, another allergy :)
ReplyDeleteOur cat just loves to crawl in bed with us during the middle of the night and cough up hair balls. You know, right on the comforter that I can only wash at the dry cleaners. Thanks for the post. Very funny. They thought I was crying in my office.
ReplyDeleteI agree on the rantness...hurricane headed MAYBE toward the OBX, dryer broke, teething 8 month old with thrush, 4 year old with total attitude who is bored and needs to go back to school, I just want to throw my hands up and check into the funny farm for a few days, just to get my head to stop spinning ALL THE WAY AROUND...
ReplyDeleteGlad to know I am not the only cranky mommy this week!
Mama, I'm right there with you. However, I must see your apple crunch and raise you a dog fart. That was my "over the edge sender" this week. Apparently dogs with a terrible digestive tract and skin irritations compel me to obsessively organize my craft closet, which hasn't helped with the hoards of mass confusion on the home front. But on the upside, I found some great potpourri!! 9That counts as a victory, right????)
ReplyDeletemama morticia
love love love
ReplyDeleteThe thing that really sends me over the edge when I'm having "one of those days" -- I will make a perfectly reasonable request to my son in a slightly irritated tone because its probably the eighteenth time I've asked him in the past five minutes and he'll sweetly pat my arm and say, "Oh, Mom, you're just having one of your grumpy days", then give me a half smile that says, I understand. I could scream!!!
ReplyDeleteI've had quite a few of those days myself lately. When the husband asks what's wrong, I blame pregnancy hormones. Then come Jan. I'll have a new baby to blame. Then it will be two little ones running around...if any of this quits working I always have the annoying ex-husband to blame!
ReplyDeleteAs always, thanks for the morning laugh!
Oh, cupcakes! I want one! And a Manhattan for some reason.
ReplyDeleteI spend half on my days yelling at people in my house to "turn that d@mn noise down". I've become my grandfather and I'm only, (ONLY!) 37... a woman!
I'm grateful, after reading this, that I'm allergic to cats.
ReplyDeleteAnd my own Andy Rooney-esque personality comes out when I see bumper stickers on cars. Living where I live, (hippie-ville) you get to see some doozies. And they're usually 'greenie' on these massive, old, totally inefficient cars.
SubHub said to me last night, "You seem more like yourself today." To which I replied, "There's always tomorrow."
OH! I was so on that page yesterday!Our "idiot box" had to be turned off as well...
ReplyDeleteHubs works out of town 5 days a week so when he called last night he said "you sound uptight" He's lucky the phone didn't get launched through his prized big screen!!!
I know for a fact that my kids get their sensory issues from me. And the husband. He's super sound sensitive and I've got this thing for smells and clothing that is 100% natural fiber (cotton and linen only). And I wonder where they get it. Hmmmm...
ReplyDelete@Domestic Goddess -- I hear ya. Saying "I don't know WHERE they get that from!" is a running joke with me & the Absent-Minded Professor.
ReplyDeleteThis has been my quote for the last 30 months and 14 days (my oldest's age)...
ReplyDelete"Ohmygodgotosleepyoucrazylittlepeople."
Thanks for the laughs!
ah. Chin Funk. I've no idea why that is making me giggle so much, but yeah...still giggling.
ReplyDeleteAnd I only have the one crazylittleperson but for the love of GOD GOTOSLEEPYOUCRAZYLITTLEPERSON!
I totally hear you on the noise thing. I like background noise, so I usually have the TV or stereo on. But man. I live in a house with my two girls, my mom, and my grandmother who has Ahlzeimers.
ReplyDeleteGet the TV going, plus the kids playing loud, and my grandmother rambling over-and-over again the same thing, MAN. You can gaurantee a, "WILL YOU KIDS GO OUTSIDE SO GRANDMOTHER SHUTS UP?!" outta me.
And I'm only 26, and the pants below the knees, and boxers hanging out, get to me. ;)
Pure genius as usual... I even have my dad reading your blog! I worked many years on the other side of the table for the IEP and 504 Meetings. Now I do advocacy and consulting with school systems around including students with disabilities in genera; education settings. I feel for you Mommy! The no sleeping business is the worst... It is a tired like no other.
ReplyDeleteRegarding your kitty with balance issues: I've had 2 cats with idiopathic vestibular syndrome. The first one could get lost in a single row of bushes and the one we have now has to plan her every move. She glances back and forth to where she wants to jump and then gets down and walks. She also can't clean her own back without making herself dizzy, so we use "kitty wipes" to help her. Maybe your IVS kitty can't balance well enough on 3 legs to reach far enough into the litter box to cover her droppings. We're using a air purifier to help with the odors caused by our cat's hit-or-miss litter covering skills.
ReplyDeleteSugar-free Popsicles have aspartame in their ingredient list. Have you read the info on aspartame? Here's a list of symptoms attributed to aspartame according to the DHHS: http://www.dorway.com/92symptomsfotocopy.html
I can't imagine that you are willing to take that chance with your children or their parents.
Deb
@Deb, Thanks. But I have blood sugar problems (severe hypoglycemia) that are triggered by taking in real sugar, even high amounts of fructose. So if I want a treat, I try to make sure it's sugar-free. Which means chemicals. Delicious, delicious chemicals.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I just googled: aspartame hearing hypersensitivity and aspartame hypoglycemia and found info on both. This one, http://www.mercola.com/article/aspartame/hidden_dangers.htm , mentions a possible "intensification of hypoglycemia." I'm diabetic and love coca cola, but I'm avoiding the artificial sweeteners. If I want a sweet drink, I put a little soda/juice/whatever in a large glass and fill it up with water.
ReplyDeleteForgive me, I know you love your diet-Coke, but I wonder if you stopped using aspartame-laden products, if some of these symptoms would decrease or stop for you.
Deb