Little Dude started school yesterday. His morning teacher dragged out a big ol' box of Legos, so all was well for the first ten minutes.Then I said it was time for me to leave. And he lost. his. mind. He melted to the floor and clung to my knees. He went into uber-Aspie mode: no eye contact, rocking, guttural noises. When his teacher asked if she could hold him, he sprang into action.
Okay, actually? It was pretty funny anyway, in no small part because it took four grown women to catch him. Those jumping spiders are tricky.
I picked him up and hugged him, and then handed him off to the teacher. She held him, literally kicking and screaming, while I walked out the door.
When I went to pick him up in the afternoon, he was all smiles. His afternoon teacher gave me the thumbs-up sign that is the preschool teacher's universal signal for "your kid didn't bite anyone, strip naked in the lunchroom, or otherwise totally go insane today." You want to know what's really weird? (Um, everything in your life? We know. You covered that yesterday.) Okay. Moving on, then. You know what else is weird?
He says that he "held it in" and didn't pee or poop the whole day so that no one would change his diaper. Now, I have no idea if that's true or not. He came home in a dry diaper, but I have no idea if it was his first diaper of the day, because he came home and promptly peed and pooped in it. But, really? I can't hold it that long. Of course, my bladder has been stomped on by four babies in three pregnancies, and I'm about one sneeze away from being a loyal Depends customer, so what do I know?
I commented that if that if he can hold it from 7:30 to 2:45, maybe he could try to let some of it go in the potty. He did not like that idea one bit. And today didn't seem like a good day to push the issue. Fortunately, our special education teacher has all kinds of professional experience in potty training kids with a wide range of special needs. She's got a game plan. My plan is to do exactly what she tells me to do. We're going to wait until he's a little more settled in before freaking him out with that agenda, though.
It was incredibly hard to hand him off to the teacher today. If she wasn't so darned fabulous, I don't know if I could have done it. She's one of these special education teachers who has seen it all and yet still loves the job and the kids. So I was able to leave and believe it was the best thing I could do for him as his mommy.
Otherwise I would have been very happy to stay. I don't need to participate, or anything. I'm not one of those helicopter moms, hovering and being all overprotective. (Except that I am, a little bit. Or a lot. Sue me. I'm his mommy.) I just want to be there. Watching. Making sure he's okay. Seeing that he's happy and that the other kids are being nice to him. When other kids aren't nice to him, I want to kill them. It's some kind of mama lioness thing that is triggered in me.
But today, the mama lioness had to walk away. Little Dude has leaps and bounds to go to get ready for Kindergarten next year. Having me stay, to hold him and comfort him, would only hold him back.
I did mercilessly snuggle him when we got home, though. To the point where he was sick of it.
"How much more smuggling do we have to do?" he finally asked. In his head, snuggle and smuggle are the same word, apparently.
"Just a little," I promised.
"Nah," he said. "I'm good." And he walked away.
School for my oldest starts on the 15th (well, half the class will be there on the 15th.. the WHOLE class is together on the 17th). I am... anxious. She's 4 and she can read and count to 20, and their curriculum for JK is learning the alphabet and counting to 10. I'm worried she's going to be bored out of her mind and therefore misbehave. I'm also worried her teacher is going to do what my K teacher did, and not believe the parent that says "yep, my child can read" until she's standing by the desk, reading the teacher's progress reports. Hey, you were warned. I was all kinds of trouble in school and I do NOT want to be on this side of the issue.
ReplyDeleteMy oldest in only 3, but reading this almost caused me to burst into tears. Yes, I'm that crazy that I'm already having mini panic attacks about my son starting school in two years... what's even crazier is, he's been in daycare since 3 months old. So really, it's not like I've been his only care giver. Thank you for making me feel normal, making me laugh...
ReplyDeleteSRMM...congrats. Denying the helicopterness is so hard, you are doing amazing! Props to you for knowing he needs this. You may be stark. raving. mad., but you are rock. star. cool. in my book!
ReplyDeleteMy baby started Kindergarten yesterday and after leaving her in a heap of tears (incidently with a teacher that said, "yeah, the first week is tough - and then turned back to talk to the other mommy in the room!) I cried all.day.long. Thank goodness she got past her tears and had a fabulous day! Perhaps today I can be stronger...
ReplyDelete"Nah..I'm good" I love it. And smuggling? Gotta love that!! You are a good mommy. The best ones always have a broken heart when leaving them at preschool.
ReplyDeleteAnd I totally get the lioness thing. I went all mama bear on a music teacher once who tried to get my child who was diagnosed (by the school) with social anxiety to sing in front of class.
Glad the day ended up being a success. I will be in hysterics when I leave my daughter at Kindergarten next year....the school really needs to provide "mommy support group" for the first week...or month...
ReplyDeleteHeck, it's still hard to drop my son off every day. Watching him walk into that big school...like feeding the sheep to the lions. AND HE'S IN 3RD GRADE!!!
It may be just be, but your posts haven't been showing up in my Reader since last Friday.
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one? Any idea why this might be happening?
Are you getting a partial post or none at all?
ReplyDeleteI'm just jealous that school has started for you already.
ReplyDeleteWe still have TWO WHOLE WEEKS. Gah. I need to get this over with. Girl is starting at a new school and I *need* to get her there so I can stop worrying so damn much.
None at all. I even re-added it to my Reader through the 'Subscribe' RSS feed up there on the right and it still wasn't receiving them. :-/
ReplyDeleteI realize this isn't the end of the world, but I didn't know if perhaps others using Google Reader might have had the same problem :)
Yes, I am a google reader and the last post I got was, I Should Totally Teach A Birthing Class. Love your blog!!
ReplyDeleteYesterday was our first day of school. The older two are in 1st and 4th (where has the time gone?!?) So far, so good. Explained 1st grader's food allergy (causes behavior issues, not life threatening, except perhaps to whoever she attacks) to the teacher. On advice of our pediatrician, I'm not yet discussing any other issues with him. I'm supposed to talk with him after a couple weeks, so I can get his unbiased observations. I've gotten a referral to the developmental specialist my doctor's child sees. I still need to make the appointment.
ReplyDeleteThank you to SRMM and to the others here who have given me support and encouragement to seek the help we need.
so glad that he was all smiles this afternoon! AWESOME!
ReplyDeleteMy little buddy will be five in November and school in Australia starts in February. I cry now just receiving the school transition/visit notices. Leaving him there will be fine as long as we stick to the 'hug, kiss, hug, hug' and 'bye, see ya, bye' routine. I'm more worried about when he realises he has to go five days a week and he can't wear a Ben 10 jumper
ReplyDeletemy 7 year old was like that when he started school at 5 like we do in New Zealand. he would come home saying "I was kicking and screaming for you mum" and he would be. the teacher would have to physically restrain him so I could go (and I had to go as I had two babies in the car that needed me too). But she was an awesome teacher, found the key to connect with him and got him going with the school stuff. he hadn't picked up a pencil till then (he wasn't interested and I figure they spend 15-20 years in school, I'm gonna let my kids BE KIDS and run free a bit while they can). He had learning, I'm not saying they were really wild, but I showed/talked about/exposed him to the stuff he was interested in, knowing that a love of learning is a great basis for all the literacy and numeracy stuff. But the teacher encouraged and praised him and he came right. he's still a little iffy some days about going to school, but if we focus on the positive he does enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteand now that he's 7, he's reading and writing as well as the others in his class (nearly - he's not that far behind, the school tells us), and he got to enjoy his preschool years without both of us stressing about whether he could read or write before he was toilet trained.
sorry, I ranted here....I seem to have issues with parents that push kids too hard too soon. give them a LOVE OF LEARNING and the rest falls into place in time. Studies here in NZ have shown that kids who read at 4 and kids who don't read till they are 7, by 9yrs they are all reading at a similar level. food for thought.
SRMM - thanks so much for sharing your journey, you're an amazingly strong woman (you have to be, I know), but you make me laugh out loud most posts and that's a rare thing. thanks! :O)
My 7-year-old just started 2nd grade. He is on the spectrum. Kindergarten was hard (he wasn't talking much, and it took him 3 months of work to get him to walk in line), but now school is old hat. We were early on the first day of second grade, and I thought he would need me there, but as soon as he saw the bus pull up, he started his good-bye ritual. I even hid around the corner in case he needed extra good-byes, but I was dismissed. And proud.
ReplyDeleteAs a note of encouragement - to get my son potty trained, we finally just put him in underwear (he has sensory integration issues). He would also go 8 or 9 hours straight holding it at day care, then pee in front of the bathroom as soon as we got home. Within 6 months he was potty trained, once I learned to leave him alone about it. I too thought he would go to college in diapers.
ReplyDeleteOh man, it is so true, we have to let them go in order to let them grow. But man alive, no one explained how hard that was going to be. This is my daughter's second year of preschool and it is still hard, but I cannot fathom next year at the elementary school. I have panic attacks, no lie,nervous breakdowns thinking about what can happen and not being there to protect her. I was the oldest of 8, not sure how my mom did it. I personally LOVED school from the first day, she said I made her cry my first day of kindergarten when she lingered I asked her if she was staying all day, like a punk kid... I can see my daughter doing the same.
ReplyDeletemad props for being so strong for your kiddles :D
~C
We still have trouble at drop-off for my Aspie daughter who is in kindergarten. Sone mornings are better than others. And we're still struggling with her holding in her poop all day. But she can't hold it as well as your Little Dude so we have to a separate load of laundry for her severely skidmarked panties. The doctor says it's a behavior control issue caused by anxiety. I say it sucks. My 4-year old, neurotypical child potty trained before 3. M is 6 and I'm hoping by middle school she'll be over it.
ReplyDelete